Vicky's Blog

CONFESSIONS OF A DIABETIC

2011-12-31T20:10:00.005-07:00

I'm not sure who actually reads my blog. I know my kids don't. They haven't even read my book, just skimmed it looking for the parts where I mentioned them. I have something to confess because this was just so bad, and tonight I realized how bad it was. If anybody I know reads this, go ahead and let me know. It will be a good reminder of what not to do.

A couple days before Christmas a friend of mine stopped by to drop off a little plate of fudge. The kids left Christmas Eve to spend the night with their dad for an early Christmas morning flight to Florida for a week. That fudge was just too tempting. She had cut it into very small squares and I figured it would be ok to enjoy a little each night, but I admit I knew that I shouldn't be enjoying such a sweet treat. After a few days I realized there were only three pieces left, and what if the kids wanted some when they got back? Maybe they wouldn't have remembered, or maybe they wouldn't have cared. But I decided to replace it. I'd just make up my own batch, cut them into little squares and fill the little plate again.

I scoured the Internet for fudge recipes. Do you know how many different recipes for fudge there are? I had no idea what ingredients my friend put into hers. I'm not a baker so baking ingredients, amounts, and what can be substituted for what go way over my head. I picked out an easy-looking one, and actually I think it was called Easy Fudge. Milk chocolate chips, butter, condensed milk, and walnuts. I was impressed it even set up. But it didn't taste like fudge at all. Tasted like a chocolate bar. And the consistency was a little weird. If they sat out on the counter too long they began to melt. So I perused the Internet once again. I found one that seemed a bit more reasonable. Powdered sugar, cocoa, milk, vanilla, and nuts. It's been in my fridge for two days and it's still runny. Tastes ok, but you have to eat it with a spoon.

Ok, so I had to call my friend. I complimented her on the fudge and asked if I could have the recipe. "Oh sure, I bet your kids loved it huh. It's not for you though. Way too much sugar in it. I hope you didn't eat any."

"Yep," I lied.

She told me she wasn't sure what went into it without looking at the recipe. It was her mom's, she said. "Mom has this exact way she does it and you have to really follow the directions." She gave me explicit instructions such as how to heat it slowly, stir constantly, etc. "You don't want to scorch it and you don't want it to come out grainy." The next day she emailed me the recipe. I'm not sure what grainy means when you have 6 cups of sugar in there already.

My God, she wasn't kidding, it was sweet. I shouldn't have been eating this stuff! I couldn't believe how much sugar this recipe called for. I followed the instructions to a T. It actually took an hour and a half! I had no idea it took sugar, butter, and mlik so long to boil. And I thought I was never going to get all that marshmellow cream stuff out of the jar. They really need to invent an easier way to do that.

Well, it turned out great but I don't think I'm ever going to make fudge again. That was way too much work. I honestly have more fun mowing the lawn. No wonder I hate baking. It's so much work! All that stirring and scraping, and then everything is sticky, ugh! I found marshmellow cream on my cupboard door, the stove handle, and places I didn't even go near. It's fun making a pot of chili, and way less messy. Fudge is just unfun.

So the fudge is cooling in the fridge, and the kids don't get home until tomorrow afternoon. I should be able to get it cut into those tiny little squares and refill the little decorative Christmas plate my friend brought over. I'll just tell the kids I wanted to make more, which wouldn't be a lie. But this is definitely the last time I make fudge, and the last time I eat it! After seeing what all goes into it, I can't with a good conscience allow myself to indulge in that stuff ever again.

By the way, her mom's secret recipe? It's right on the back of the marshmallow cream jar. Same as the back of the evaporated milk can too. Only difference was she had doubled it. Thanks to my thinking I could get away with eating some fudge and then simply replacing it, I now have three pounds of it to get rid of. If my kids don't want it, I'll have to just bring it to work or something, but I'm not touching that stuff again.

Oh, and my mom did that to me once too. All my growing up years I raved about her potato salad, how it was the best I'd ever tasted. She always smiled and said thank you, appreciating all the compliments. When I got married I told my husband how good my mom's potato salad was and that he just HAD to try it. Finally one day after I don't know how many years of being married, I begged Mom for her home made potato salad recipe. I told her she might as well teach me how to make it while she was still alive. No need to take the secret to her grave! She was surprised that I thought she'd been holding out on me til the day she died or something. She said, "Well it's just on the back of the Kraft Mayonnaise jar."

CHRISTMAS, A PSYCHIC FEELING, AND FLOWERS IN HEAVEN

2011-12-25T21:35:00.006-07:00

I took a couple extra days off work this week to spend with my kids since they're out of school for winter break. I decided to let the kids have their Christmas presents on the 20th so they could enjoy them during the days leading up to the actual holiday because their dad would be flying with them Christmas morning to Florida for a week.

We had a good week of snacking, TV watching, game playing, and general lazing about...We're now on Season 4 of our Bones DVD marathon. Had prime rib. Started Settlers of Catan, Traders and Barbarians, and realized halfway through the game we weren't playing it right so we left it out on the kitchen table for another chance to get our heads on straight about it. It's still there. Had chicken and dumplings. Realized it would take longer than one evening to learn how to juggle; Abby gave up entirely. Had spinach and artichoke parmesan dip. Saw Indiana Jones and The Raiders of the Lost Ark for the first time and discovered I do better with movies that have more dialogue than action but will give the other three a try anyway. Ate hummus. Loved the huge rose quartz crystal rock lamp my kids bought me. Had DiGiorno's. Painfully found out that the 27 dollar "Shock Ball" game my daughter wanted so badly isn't going to be played with because my children, after seeing my already nerve-damaged hands take the first zap and hearing the bad words that unintentionally came out of my mouth, are now too afraid to touch the darn thing. Watched Limitless, loved it. Had home-made enchiladas. Video-taped the three of us trying to get a Slinky to work; ironically none of us could. Finally figured out how to play Simon Flash. Had more Grapples; after trying these, I will never go back to regular apples again. Stuck a ruler in the still-falling snow, 10 inches already. Munched on peanut M&Ms. Realized we don't know the first thing about playing poker, but David thinks the professional-style poker chips are really cool anyway. Made a McDonald's run and came home with an extra unpaid-for Big Mac; finally an error in our favor! And we got my son's game room cleaned up and organized. No, this wasn't all in one day. Four days. I just appreciate the little things that make me happy. I really do.

I had to return to work Christmas Eve. Hadn't been there all week, so I missed out on the catered Mexican buffet, the box of See's Famous Old Time Candies, and the box of Nancy Adams Assorted Chocolate Pretzels. Don't get the free chair-massage either. Oh well. I had fun with my kids.

Something was sticking out of my desk drawer. It was a note, folded and stapled. I assumed it was a thank-you note from my co-worker for the comfy slippers Christmas gift I left for her before I left work Monday afternoon. I figured she hadn't gotten me anything and wrote a nice note instead, which was fine since she usually gives me any of her extra diabetic supplies she doesn't use. Like test strips...a real commodity to me. But when I glanced at the note wedged into the crease of the drawer, I suddenly got the feeling of "cash". It wasn't something I heard or saw in my mind. It was just a feeling. The feeling of cash. I thought to myself, now why would she have put cash in that note? That would be unusual and completely unnecessary. I wouldn’t even want my co-worker giving me cash for Christmas. That’s just weird. I want money just like everybody else, but I don’t want someone just giving it to me.

I recalled that on my walk into the building that morning I was reminded of a psychic experience this summer where my guidance directed me to quickly look up at a woman’s baby and at that very moment I saw the woman drop something from her purse. By the time I reached the spot where it fell, the woman was far away, enough so that if I had wanted to keep it I could have, except that it wasn’t the right thing to do. It was a hundred dollar bill, and I wouldn’t have kept it. I knew my Guidance directed me to it for the woman’s sake, not mine. But on the way into work as I remembered that experience, I wondered why I never have psychic guidance toward money. That would be exciting, but I’d only want it if it were truly meant for me. I wouldn’t want someone to lose it in order for me to gain it. I know, too, that my psychic Guidance isn't a frivolous thing.

Well, “cash” must have been on my mind for a reason, and maybe only because I’d been sort of worrying about it lately and been a little broke this Christmas. There’s no way there’s cash in there. That’s just too weird, and I’d feel weird accepting it even if there was. I turned on my computer, logged in, opened up all my applications, and made the coffee. Finally I pulled the note from its hiding spot. I couldn't get it opened without it tearing a little where the staples were. In it was a 20-dollar bill. Her note began “Merry Christmas” and said that instead of buying flowers for her sister in Heaven, she would rather the money go to me.

What a generous gift, and it didn’t feel weird to accept it because I was so touched by her sentiment. Cash for that reason was different, and humbled me a bit. In return, I sat and closed my eyes, imagining a beautiful bouquet being delivered to her sister, wherever she was, imagining her receiving them as a thank-you from me for my being the recipient of a beautiful gesture in her honor.

And then I thanked my Guidance for reminding me to trust. I didn’t need a hundred dollar bill. Twenty was enough of a little nudge to remind me that by trusting my feelings, I’ll always be in the right place at the right time for the really important things in life.

GHOSTS AND SPIRITS

2011-10-15T23:27:00.004-06:00

I've been so busy lately...wanted to get another excerpt out there before too long, so here you go. This is one of my favorite parts.

Because I've had so many experiences perceiving nonphysically which have gotten excellent verification that my perception was real, it makes me all the more confident in trusting other experiences where I'm not so fortunate in having any kind of verification at all. It's just not always possible to have physical-world verified proof that an experience is real, like when Bruce nonphysically visited me in my car, telling me he was at the spiritual Meetup helping give me confidence. To me, no proof was necessary. If I am lucky enough to have Bruce's spirit visit me in that way after his death, imagine how happy I'll be. I'll be happy enough to continue living out the rest of my life knowing we survive after death and that our loved ones are never really gone.

Similar to sensing energy of the living is how we can also perceive visitations from someone deceased. I've been visited a handful of times by my dad after his death. One visit in particular was later verified by Bruce in an interesting way. Something neither of us was expecting, but it gave us both doubtless belief that Dad's spirit had indeed paid a visit.

Because of my spiritual beliefs about life, death, and the afterlife, I was able to handle my dad's death much better than I had previously believed I would. Although it was of course sad not to have my dad around, and sad for my mom to be lonely missing him so much, I knew that Dad was ok. The only thing that changed was that Dad was no longer physically living. And I guess it's because of this good attitude toward Dad's death that I don't always feel that he's actually gone. It's not until I think about it that I realize he is dead. It's been over a year since his death and I periodically will think, "Oh I need to call Dad and ask him about this." Or,"I can't wait to tell my dad" something. Or being disappointed at arriving at mom's to visit and realize that Dad isn't there. I can't believe I still forget that he's dead.

But on the other hand, I've had several visits from him since his death, so that's another reason I've been handling his death so well. You know it's funny....when he died, I expected----and wanted----to have the kind of visits from Dad that you'd expect of a typical ghostly presence. Nothing spooky, but just maybe having something move to get my attention, or seeing an apparition. The only thing I had that even came close to that kind of visit was one day while sitting in my bedroom thinking about Dad, a notebook fell off my shelf. I'd asked Dad to give me a sign, and I guess this was his way of doing it. I wasn't impressed and actually said, "Come on. Dad, if that's you, can't you do something more impressive than making the notebook fall?" It had fallen with a loud whop onto the floor, and landed a little farther away than what one would have expected. It definitely seemed like a deliberate sign. When I told Bruce about the incident he said, "Let me get this straight. You ask for a sign, you get one, and then you complain about it?" I laughed. It's not that I wasn't excited. I just wasn't impressed. I realized that those kinds of signs weren't what I really needed---or wanted---anymore.

Both my mom and brother, however, have had remarkable experiences. Mom once saw my dad's presence as a mist walking through the kitchen. She immediately thought of my dad and she thought, "Jack, is that you?" On another occasion she was watching television, changing the channel to something she doesn't normally watch but was something my dad would have watched, Cats 101. She doesn't know why she left it there but she decided to sit and watch anyway. Suddenly, she heard my dad laughing....physically out loud, she heard his voice. It made her turn quickly toward the sound of it, almost expecting to see him sitting there. She’s also felt his hand touch her shoulder.

My brother's experience was similar to mom's mist experience. Why I haven't seen something like that, I'm not sure. But I have had several visits from my dad, both during out-of-body experiences and while physically awake.

One such experience, while physically awake, happened while I was standing in the kitchen at the stove, making a sandwich. Suddenly, I felt my dad's presence as if he’d just walked into the room. Instinctively I lifted my head and looked forward, although I wasn't looking through my physical eyes but my mind's eye. I could see my dad, and felt him, behind me and slightly to my right. He came up around my right side and moved into the space right in front of me, so that Dad and I were right in front of each other, despite the fact that physically in front of me was the stove. At this point I had learned enough to know not to brush it off or debunk the experience, so I just went along with what I was feeling and perceiving. In my mind I said, "Hi Dad!" I went with the notion of just treating this experience the same way you'd treat a phone call that you weren't expecting. The phone rings, you answer it, and begin talking to whomever's there. I treated this visit like a phone call. In my mind I began telling Dad of the events of the week, sharing with him what I'd been feeling or going through. And in my mind Dad was there to listen, comfort me, and give some advice. I didn't have a real word-for-word response from him but just a feeling in general of what he wanted to say and convey to me. I enjoyed it and allowed myself to believe it was a real experience.

It wasn't until a few days later when I relayed the experience to Bruce over the phone that I got verification that it was a real experience. I told Bruce, "Hey, guess what! I had a visit from my dad!"

"Oh yeah? What happened?" Bruce asked.

"Well, I was in the kitchen making a sandwich, when I felt my dad's presence come into the room. I was so excited and just went with it, didn't question it or talk myself out of it, you know? I just acted as if he was really there, and I just talked to him like it was real even though I didn't really hear or know what he was saying to me. I just felt him there and imagined what he was saying. I wish I had something to really verify it was real, but I just went along with it as if it was. I think that's a big step for me."

Bruce went quiet for a few moments, as he does sometimes. He is so gifted at shifting his focus of awareness that when he does that it makes me feel like he's put the phone down and left the room. Finally Bruce casually said, "So when you were having this experience, were you standing up, like facing the counter top?"

I wasn't sure why Bruce was asking me that in the middle of my story, but I said, "Yeah, sort of. I was actually standing at the stove."

"Oh, ok," he said. Then he got quiet again. I expected him to be expressing happiness and encouragement about my experience and the way that I handled it, my old way being that I would have brushed it off before allowing myself to accept it. But I was used to Bruce being silent on the other end of the phone while he's nonphysically sensing something, so I waited patiently.

Finally he said, "So when you felt your dad's presence come into the kitchen, did you kind of feel him come up behind you and sort of move to your right, and then come around to stand right in front of you?" When Bruce said that, I was the one who suddenly got quiet on the phone.

"Yeah, that's exactly what happened. How did you know that?" I knew that I hadn't yet explained those details to Bruce.

In his smug way he said, "You're not the only one your dad visits, you know."

Still not up to speed of what Bruce was talking about, I asked, "What do you mean?"

He said, "Well while you began telling me about your experience, I suddenly got a vision in my mind seeing you standing in the kitchen. At first I thought I was just envisioning your story while listening to you, but then I realized that I was actually given this vision from your dad. When you stated that you weren't sure if this was a real experience or not, that's when my vision started and I felt your dad's presence with me. In the vision, your dad was showing me that he approached from behind you, came up on your right, and then stood right in front of you. He did that to make sure he'd get your attention because your experience of it would conflict with your physical surroundings. And the reason he showed me the vision of how he appeared to you was so that I could describe it to you to give you verification that this experience was real. See, you're not the only one your dad visits."

I could feel Bruce beaming his smug smile through the phone. Finally I managed to say oh my God and how I wasn't expecting this. I was stunned. "Bruce, that's amazing. You mean just now when I began to tell my experience, my dad was right there with you giving you the vision of it?"

"Yep. I thought it was a clever way for him to give you verification that what you experienced was real. He's here with us in this conversation because you were going to tell me about it. It was his way of giving you something to make you feel it was a real visit from him," Bruce said.

"Wow. I thought just realizing I was feeling his presence was amazing enough. I mean, I knew it was a big step for me in accepting this type of experience as real, but I didn't expect you to get a visit from Dad to verify my experience. That's so cool!" I was just so excited and pleased about this.

This is one of the things that makes my friendship with Bruce so special. He's always surprising me!

OLD HABITS DIE HARD

2011-09-11T19:18:00.005-06:00

An excerpt from my new book, The Psychic Development Project, by Vicky M. Short.

The other day I had a spontaneous thought come into my mind that my ex-husband and his new wife were getting a puppy. Now, you'd think by now that I would have learned what a psychic thought feels like. After all, at the time I got this information I knew it wasn't a logical, rational thought; I knew it was based on intuition. And I knew I wasn't interested in what they do, nor was I thinking, feeling, or doing anything associated with them. You'd think this thought would have stood out, and it did. But old habits die hard.

The moment I received the psychic knowing feeling and thought about the puppy, the first thing I did was go down the road of making associated thoughts based on my reaction to what I was receiving. Yes, I shifted gears from Receiving Mode to Reacting Mode in the blink of an eye, and I hadn't even noticed! Literally, one moment I was cognizant of the fact that I was receiving psychic information, and the next moment I was letting my thoughts run away with my reactions.

They had Daisy, our dog from our marriage, and the other dog was his wife's. So I worried that by now having three dogs, they would consider getting rid of Daisy since she's older. She's an 11-year-old border collie/blue heeler and isn't a pack dog. I began worrying what would happen to her if they did give her away. I was so consumed with my associated reactions that I completely forgot that I had just received actual psychic information about something else which started this chain reaction. My reactions over-rode what was real and made my thinking go off course from receiving more real information about the puppy. Had I remained in the area of consciousness of receiving, rather than shift over to reacting, I may have received more information. I could have asked myself, "What else about that?", keeping my focus of awareness interested in that place.

I left for work that morning not worrying more about it and figured when the kids came home from my ex-husband's that evening they'd surely tell me about the puppy. At 6:25 p.m. I received a text message from my son David, "We got a new dog!" I was instantly reminded of my psychic feeling from that morning. I had to know, and texted back asking if they were going to keep Daisy as well, as I worried about her getting the boot to make way for the puppy. David replied that that didn't happen and that he didn't think it would. I was relieved.

Differentiating Receiving thoughts from Reaction ones is going to be a toughy, but this experience is yet again another great reminder of that. The most glaring key point here is the fact that I know for certain that when the psychic thought entered my mind, I wasn't thinking, feeling, or doing anything associated to my ex-husband and his wife. I wasn't thinking about Daisy or dogs in general. So for this thought to have come into my mind then, it truly was a random experience, save for the fact that I've recently been doing deep meditative work at bringing more psychic experiences into my awareness for the sake of my psychic development project. This experience was, no doubt, another opportunity for me to learn my skills better. Just like the school shooting incident where my thoughts quickly ran away with my reactions, this experience was a good demonstration of how the mind operates. I'm going to make it a point to pay attention to my thoughts throughout the day, taking notice of what I'm thinking, feeling, or doing in accordance with how my thoughts shift from one thing to another. If I find any trace of incongruity, it'll be interesting to try and backtrack my thinking to notice where I shifted over into a trail of associated thoughts that weren't based on what I know to be real information. I think it will be simple enough to ask myself, "Is this thought based on something I worry about or fear, or does it have any reality basis in my life at the moment?"

NONPHYSICAL PERCEPTION

2011-06-18T21:45:00.004-06:00

On a TV show on the biography channel called "The Unexplained", they were showing accounts of haunted houses that families lived in and really believe they're haunted. Of course they had to also show scientists who were giving their professional opinions as to why these houses could not possibly be haunted because such things don't really exist. From what I now know of my OWN experiences and what I've come to believe from all my years of studying, these people who claim to scientifically disprove ghosts and the afterlife clearly haven't had their own direct experience with any such event. Yet they claim to be experts based on science that isn't capable of proving the paranormal real.

I believe in and trust science just as much as the next person, but what we're talking about here requires a different type of logic, evidence, and proof.

For instance, one of the stories that was really intriguing was that a man committed suicide in a house and was haunting the new owners. A man was called in to investigate, who was sensitive to feeling, sensing, and communicating with spirits. He was able to locate the deceased spirit and convince him that crossing over into the afterlife was where he needed to be and that he needn't fear judgement for his sins during his physical life. It took some patience and persistence but the man decided to cross over. The medium and the husband and wife owners of the house all witnessed a brilliant blue light of energy at this moment that they couldn't explain by physical-world means. They were video recording the entire event, but upon reviewing the tape they found that the blue energy light was not on the recording. The medium believed that it wasn't meant to be for all to see, that that magnificent event was only meant to be for the 3 people who saw it first-hand. I tend to agree with him, but only a little bit.

Now, the professional scientist skeptics said that the three people in attendance had all created this event from their imaginations, which is why the blue energy did not appear on film. I agree with him a little bit too, except for the fact that he doesn't believe ghosts and such experiences to be real.

But here's what I know. Taking into account that this is a true story, I believe that what those people saw was real and that they did see it with their imaginations. That is to say, the way they perceived it wasn't the same way we perceive a physical event. What they witnessed was a nonphysical experience, not a physical one, and they perceived it nonphysically. This is my explanation as to why it didn't appear on the video. Not everything that is real has to be physically real. There is such a thing as nonphysical perception. Even with all my experience, it's taken me a long time to wrap my head around this concept, but it's true. It's not a cop-out answer for being unable to gather and provide physical-world proof to those folks who say that "if you can't show and prove it to me, then it isn't real."

To those folks I say that they haven't themselves had nor been aware of having an experience of perceiving nonphysically. If they did, and if they allowed it into their awareness, and if from that experience they were able to gather and verify some piece of information that they could not have any other "normal" physical-sense means of perceiving, then they would begin to have an idea of the concept of nonphysical perception. And I would like to challenge them to finding a way to prove it in the same way we prove physical-world events through physical sense means. I bet they'd have a hard time choosing between their scientific beliefs and what they just experienced first-hand that they cannot possibly prove through their scientific measurements. Just because a scientific piece of equipment couldn't capture and record something, doesn't mean it didn't happen or wasn't real. And even if it did capture it, it's still not enough proof to me of what's real. I need to have my own first-hand experiences before I decide what to believe.

It simply just gets to the point where you have to make a choice. The skeptics who want to believe that science has limitations and boundaries that don't include the paranormal will likely never have their own direct experience with it. The rest of us who have know that the means and methods that they require as proof isn't going to do enough to prove it to them. They will always have some logical explanation to discount what they themselves have not yet experienced.

When my son asked me, "Well if you can perceive nonphysically through using your imagination, then doesn't that mean it's not real?" And I challenged him to a thought experiment. I asked him to use his mind to imagine what his best friend looks like. He did, and I asked if that was a real image or not. He thought it was both real and not real, and I said that was right. I told him that his mind can imagine both. Then I asked him what would it mean to him if he suddenly imagined in his mind seeing his friend falling off the roof and breaking his leg. And then to prove it he called his friend and asked what just happened. If that friend said, "I just fell off the roof and broke my leg!", would that information be real or not? He said it would be real.

My point was to show him that if there's any possible way to experience information that is true or real in any way, through perception that is anything other than your physical senses of perception, even if you couldn't prove it, would you believe that that was a genuine and reliable way to perceive? If you experienced it enough times giving you enough of your own proof, yes you would. Even if you couldn't prove it to anyone else.

This is what my own psychic development project and spiritual journey are about, trying to discover enough about my own nonphysical senses of perception in order to come to conclusions about how it works and what I can learn about it.

A VISIT WITH MY DAD FROM THE AFTERLIFE

2011-06-11T20:54:00.004-06:00

My dad visited me in a dream a couple days ago. And I think the way in which he made his presence known to me would be useful for other dreamers to know, since I could have easily not consciously recognized my dad. By "consciously", I mean with the same conscious awareness as I have when I'm consciously awake and aware of my surroundings.

I haven't had an experience with my dad since his death in a long while! I had awoken early, was up for a few minutes, and decided to go back to bed and sleep in. It was a good opportunity to try for an OBE. I used one of my techniques where I notice myself falling closer into sleep and then actively imagine myself getting out of bed and walking out of my bedroom and through each room of my house.

This experience started as a regular dream in which I was visiting Bruce and his wife at their house in Florida. It was like reliving my real vacation there from last year. In that real visit, and in my dream, Bruce wanted some time alone to work in his office and I had wanted to spend time with him. I had no choice but to wait until he was finished. In the real experience, in the meantime his wife Pharon asked me if I wanted to do a puzzle with her to pass the time. We did and I enjoyed that time with her.

However, in my dream of reliving this memory, I was stuck in a state of just waiting for Bruce. The dream didn't continue on to include the part about the puzzle. Literally, all I was doing was waiting for Bruce. I didn't realize that I was dreaming until what happened next.

Suddenly I found myself getting out of bed in my own house. I had no memory of what had just been happening moments earlier. I walked out of my bedroom, out to the hallway (like I had done earlier to initiate an OBE, but at this point I hadn't yet realized I was out of body), and I stood at the top of the stairs looking down just before walking down the stairs. I had heard that someone had just walked into my house and I wanted to see who it was. I was still in the same state of waiting for Bruce, and so that was my expectation. But it wasn't Bruce. Instead, there at the bottom of the stairs, stood my dad. He said, "I'm sorry that I've been so busy in my office. To pass the time, why don't you do a puzzle with your mom." (My dad was playing into my "waiting for Bruce" frame of mind in order to get my attention).

But I was confused. I didn't understand why Dad said that. For a few seconds I just looked at Dad without saying anything. I was trying to make sense out of what he just said. And then it dawned on me. "Just a few moments ago I was at Bruce's house, waiting for him to be finished working in his office. That was when his wife asked me if I wanted to do the puzzle with her to pass the time! But now I'm suddenly at home, and my dad is standing right here in front of me! I had been waiting for Bruce, not Dad, but Dad is here. I had done the puzzle with Pharon, not mom, but my dad is right here mentioning the puzzle. The time I spent with Bruce and his wife was last year, not now. My dad is dead but he's standing right here." At that moment I consciously made the choice to "no longer be waiting for Bruce to come out of his office" because my deceased father was standing right in front of me and I wanted to know more about this. It was becoming apparent to me that waiting for Bruce at his house was becoming less and less real, while seeing my dad standing right in front of me more and more real. So I chose to focus my attention here with Dad instead of continuing to focus on my previous surroundings. I was slowly finally understanding what was really going on. I consciously thought to myself, "That was a dream. But this is real."

It had taken a lot of patience for me to do all that processing, while standing at the top of the stairs looking at my dad. But when this realization hit me, everything became clear. Colors brightened, everything was very vivid. I was consciously aware that just a few moments ago I was dreaming. I was at this point very lucid, having a lucid dream. But it was more than just a dream. I checked again by thinking to myself, "I suddenly went from being at Bruce's house to being home. My dad knew about me waiting and about the puzzle. I know my dad is dead but he is right here. I know this isn't physical reality. And I know I had just been dreaming. Could this too also be just a dream?" I stood there, still processing all of this, while still looking down at my dad. He hadn't moved or changed, but only looked at me, smiling.

I don't know how long I stood there at the top of the stairs processing it all, but as I stood there looking at my dad, he smiled patiently. I suddenly noticed how young and healthy he looked, and it made me remember the other times that he's visited me since his death. Now he looked younger and healthier than he had ever looked in those other experiences. When he spoke before, about the puzzle, he had moved his lips. But now in this more vivid and lucid experience, Dad talked to me through his thoughts.

"Hi Vicky, I'm here to see you," he said. When he said that to me I thought, "Yes, it's a dream, a dream scene, not physical reality, but that's really my dad. I must be having an out-of-body experience." The interpreter overlay was gone. No more need for my dad's spirit to find a way to play a part in the dream reality that I had momentarily been focused in when I was "waiting for Bruce" and his wife was about to ask me to do the puzzle to pass the time. Now that I was consciously aware and had made the choice to turn my focus toward my dad rather than toward the dream reality, everything was so much more clear. I thought, "Oh my God, that's my dad. He's really here!"

I stood there in awe, so happy to see my dad. So happy to consciously realize what was happening. "My dad is here," I thought to myself. "He's really here!" That little girl part of me just wanted my daddy so much. He stood there patiently smiling up at me, allowing me to take it all in.

My emotions overtook me at that moment and I hurried down the stairs and wrapped my arms around my dad's neck, hugged him tight. I remember thinking and feeling that I was so happy to see my dad, so happy that he had come to see me, and so happy to see him so healthy looking. That's all I could think and feel at that moment, just surprise and joy at seeing my dad again.

And then suddenly I awoke.

The realness and vividness of this experience, along with my very clear and lucid conscious awareness proved to me that this visit from my dad was real. No doubt about it in my mind. He had found a way to become part of my reality in order to allow me to really notice consciously that he was really there. He took the opportunity of me being in a state of "waiting for Bruce to come out of his office" as a means to make his way into my awareness in a way that I would notice him consciously.

That one little window of opportunity could have been missed by me, if I hadn't consciously paid attention to the "flaw" in my current reality. Once I was consciously aware of the flaws and incongruities in that reality that didn't make sense, I was able to let go of it and see what was real right before me. I was able to make the conscious choice of where I wanted to focus my attention at that moment. This is the way in which I learned to lucid dream...to notice incongruities within the dream reality.

Just having those few moments of feeling, seeing, and remembering my dad's spirit was such a surprise and such a gift. It didn't matter that the dream/OBE surroundings weren't real physical things. All that was important to me at that moment was what I was feeling.

That's another point that I want to make...an experience doesn't have to be physically real in order to be a real experience. I read so many accounts of dreams from people who say that when they saw their deceased loved one, they told themselves it can't be real. I hope my experience with my dad shows that all that dream stuff is just overlaying the real information. It's such a loss when someone interprets their experience as not real, rather than seeing it for what it truly is. I know that when you can cut away the interpreter overlay layer, you can see what's really there by what you feel. I believe that when we can "be" in our true feelings and emotions, we're most connected to our true spirit, despite the framework we see around us. So often we define reality by what we experience externally rather than by what we feel internally. In my experience with Dad, I was able to consciously shed all that "dream stuff" overlaying what was real. Choosing that focus over everything else gave me such a special moment with my dad again.

I CAN'T PLAY TODAY

2011-04-09T20:07:00.012-06:00

Several years ago when I was still married, Josh, the little 5-year-old neighbor boy, would periodically come by the house and ring the bell. He always said the oddest thing, but then again he was only 5. The first time it happened I never questioned it or gave it much thought. Josh rang the bell and when I answered it he told me, "Hi Vicky! I just wanted to tell you that I can't play today." It caught me off guard and I assumed he meant to say that he came by to tell me he could play today. I checked, "Oh, do you mean you can play?"

"Nope, I can't play today. We have to go to the store," Josh said, with his usual smile from ear to ear. He was always such a happy kid, but for the life of me it made no sense why a kid would be happy that he couldn't play. And why was he telling me this?

I just told him "ok", and off he went, happy as a clam. I had no idea what this was all about, but I quickly forget about it. Until the next time Josh rang the bell.

The second time he came by, I thought I'd pre-empt him by opening the door and immediately saying, "The kids aren't home right now," since I assumed he was here for them. On this occasion he said, "I didn't come for David and Abby. I came to see you." This too caught me off guard. My attempt to quickly get rid of him (not that he was a bad kid, but he was a kid and I was a grown up and being a grown up meant I was busy and had things to do) had failed, but I thought he was only telling me he was here to see me since I had already told him that the kids were not home.

"Oh you did? What's up?" I replied.

"I can't play today," Josh said.

This scenario, in one form or another, happened at least once a week. There were times when my kids played with him, so there was nothing unusual there. The only unusual thing was when Josh would inform me that he couldn't play on a particular day. After this became our usual thing, I got the notion that Josh was specifically telling me that he couldn't play, and it wasn't so that I'd inform the kids. He never wanted the kids, only me. Me. Again, I'm a grown up. Why this 5-year-old who I didn't know wanted to inform me that he wasn't available for me to play with, I had no idea. I once asked his older sister why he did this and she just laughed and said she had no idea. "He's just weird I guess," she'd said.

An affinity for Josh grew, and I became so curious about why he acted as if he and I had some kind of connection. He was a cute kid. Never caused any trouble. And he was always just so darn happy to see me, even on the days when he said he couldn't play. And he wasn't making it up either. His mom would be waiting in the car while Josh ran over to inform me he couldn't play because they had to run errands that day. I always wondered what his mother thought!

I decided to set an intention to find out what connection Josh and I had, or at least get some insight as to what this was all about. My intention was pure and simple, "Is there something about Josh that I'm not aware of, something we do together nonphysically maybe, or something he perceives of me that I don't know about?" I set my intention before bed, hoping the answer would come to me somehow. I'd had a lot of experience having OBEs this way, by setting an intention before bed.

This one worked like a charm. I found myself in the most exhausting OBE I've ever had. In it, Josh and I were playing in a gigantic indoor playground. It was the size of a warehouse and had tall, winding staircases that went up a couple stories or more. There were kids running, laughing, having a good time. There were games, food, candy, and lots of things to do and look at. It was like a cross between an amusement park and a playground and there was so much to do you couldn't have done it all in one day. Josh was in the lead, "Come on! Let's go this way!" I obediently followed Josh, running to catch up to him, trying to catch my breath at the same time. We played and ran, and ran and played. We were nonstop having fun, chasing each other and eating and playing. It sure was a neat place.

At some point a sense of familiarity came over me and I'd realized I'd been here before many times. I stopped, pondering that thought, as if it were the first time I had thought about it. Then as if coming out of a state of amnesia, it hit me. I remembered my intent to have an OBE to find out what this thing with Josh was all about. I stood there amidst the noise, chaos and kid-fun. Up until then I had played with Josh, almost mindlessly, not paying attention to anything but the moment. But as I stood there remembering, realizing with full awareness that this wasn't physical reality, I suddenly felt exhausted. This was a nonphysical place, not physically real, but this is what Josh and I did together (for some reason) on occasion. And those days when Josh would come by the house to tell me that he couldn't play today, this is what he was talking about. In little Josh's mind this place was real. And he and I played together here.

I awoke completely worn out, totally exhausted from that experience. I thought to myself, "I never felt this way before, or maybe I have and just thought I'd had a bad night's sleep or something. But now that I am aware of all that nonphysical activity, I'm also aware of how exhausted I feel. Maybe if I hadn't set intent to know, I wouldn't feel this way right now." My grown-up body wasn't used to all that kid-fun stuff, as neat as it was.

Josh probably woke up remembering these experiences, and I'm sure when he did he wanted to get right back at it. But sometimes he had to do other things, like get in the car and go somewhere. These were the times when Josh would happily come over to let me know he couldn't do it today. I guess he didn't want to disappoint me!

What was going on with Josh, I assumed, was that he probably didn't have memory of this experience all the time, but when he did it was so real to him that he had no way of knowing it wasn't physical reality. He probably had many occasions when he either didn't remember the OBE, or he did but he patiently assumed it would just happen again. Then, when his mom or dad disrupted him from whatever activity was consuming his attention at the moment, that's when Josh would suddenly realize that he was going to be busy, and that his waiting for our play time to "just happen" again would be put on hold. That's when he'd come tell me he couldn't play.

It made sense. I mean, it made as much sense as it could. When you're a 5-year-old, the boundaries between physical and nonphysical reality are easily blurred and constantly overlapping. Young children don't pay attention to the proper order of sequence of how and when things happen. Their attention span is too much in-the-moment to be bothered with boring details.

And although it was amazing to have the OBE that I had so that I could make some sense of Josh's pre-occupation with me, I never did find out why he and I nonphysically played together in the first place! Well, I'm a kid at heart and I love kids, so I'm not too surprised.

A BIRD'S TRANSITION INTO THE AFTERLIFE

2011-03-28T22:34:00.006-06:00

Last year, in July 2010, I had spent a little over a week visiting with Bruce and his wife at their home in Florida. I hadn't wanted to come home. It was so hard to say bye to Bruce. I could tell he didn't want to cry, so he just hugged me, gave me a kiss, said bye, and walked back to the car. I was in tears. I'm such a big softy. No, big baby is more like it. I can't stand saying goodbye.

So upon returning home I was a bit out of it, I guess you could say. My focus of awareness was so focused there, at Bruce's house, that returning home felt like I was walking in a dream. I had even had a brief out-of-body experience on my last morning there....I had awoken early and went back to sleep, taking the opportunity to imagine myself getting out of bed and walking throughout the house. It's my easy trick for inducing a quick OBE. Immediately I was completely "out" and found myself in their living room. I thought, I wonder where Bruce is, and immediately the scene changed. I was no longer in their house but instead found myself in a Japanese temple garden. The building wrapped around the garden, squarely bordering it with a low-roofed porch. Bruce was standing there in the middle of the small garden which seemed dwarfed by his tall frame. Almost unaware of my presence, he gazed---intrigued by the architectural structure---at the temple. He turned to look at me and said, "Since you're having an out-of-body experience, you should use this opportunity to experiment. Why don't you go to the kitchen in my house and look at the phone. You can try to read the time on the display." Because of his suggestion my attention immediately obeyed, and I found myself standing in his kitchen looking toward the phone. I awoke then.

Upon returning home that night I had another brief OBE. Something had awoken me and at first I believed I was physically awake. I got out of bed with urgency and amnesia. I didn't recognize where I was. I stood at my bedroom window and looked out onto my backyard. I could see clearly, recognized my yard, but didn't believe I was actually there. "I'm not home, I'm still at Bruce's house. How can I be here?" My awareness and energy were still so much fully focused at Bruce's house that it felt so unreal to be anywhere else. I turned to look into my bedroom, which I could also see clearly in the dark. I recognized it as my room but still did not feel I was actually there. I was so confused that I crawled back into bed and went back to sleep. When I got up in the morning I realized it had been an OBE and was the reason I was able to see so clearly in the dark without my glasses on. It's one of the tale-tell signs for me, although at the time of an OBE or any waking physical reality nonphysical experience, I forget to realize that my normal physical senses aren't as acute as those of nonphysical perception.

A good example of what I mean is what happened next, the next morning. It was a Sunday morning, less than 48 hours after returning from Bruce's house, with my awareness STILL so completely focused on not wanting to leave Bruce, that I was still in a sort of dreamy daze. It was 5:30 a.m., dark, and I was on my way to work. Suddenly, something came flying toward my windshield. A big blackbird. I hit the brakes but it was too late. The bird whacked into my windshield so hard it made a loud, cringe-causing, sound. Immediately the bird walloped onto the roof of my car and I looked into the rear-view and then the side-view mirror to see anything. I felt so bad about colliding with the bird and hoped, despite that awful sound, that it was ok. Fortunately I saw him roll off the roof from the right side of the car and land on his feet in the grass. He did this funny little shaky-dance thing, like some cartoon character would have. He shook his entire body as if to shake-off the "willies" of a near-death experience. I smiled.

I was so relieved the little guy was going to be all right.

I drove to work, worked my 10.25 hour shift, and upon coming back out to the parking lot that evening found a horrible sight. There was something on the roof of my car, wedged under the luggage rack. I had to open my car door and step onto the inside frame in order to be tall enough to see the roof, and there was the black bird, dead. For a few moments I was so confused. How could that be? After hitting my windshield and bouncing onto the roof, the bird had fallen off the car and into the grass. I saw it! Could it have been a different bird that had instead stood there in the grass? It didn't seem reasonable. I knew what I had seen, saw the poor little guy flip head over tail over the edge of the top of my car, saw him do his funny little dance, and saw the expression on his face which said, "Whoa, that was close!"

Then it dawned on me. How could I have had such great eyesight in the dark, while driving about 40 miles per hour, and see the expression on a bird's face in the passenger side-view mirror? How could I have even known what he was thinking?

Taking a plastic grocery bag from my car, I used it to pry the bird from the roof, wrapped him in the bag, and placed it on the floor of my car. As I drove home I cried. I replayed that morning's events in my mind, checked the passenger side-view as I drove, and realized there was no normal way I could have "physically" seen what I had. It must have been with a nonphysical sense of vision that I had seen the dead bird appear to still be alive, appear shaken from the accident, and appear relieved that he was still "alive".

The bird's transition into the afterlife had been so abrupt that he was unaware of it. To him, nothing had changed. He was still alive. That quick transition also meant he had died instantly. Thank God.

It's amazing that the nonphysical senses can kick in so easily without detection. It makes me think we probably experience seeing nonphysical things all the time without even realizing it. We just take it for granted that everything in our experience is physical.

THE RIGHT PEOPLE WILL HEAR THIS STORY

2011-03-26T22:10:00.007-06:00

A new friend informed me I haven't updated my blog in a while. Thanks Patti! Her book, Mainstream Mystic is very similar to mine in fact. We did a book exchange in the mail and I can't wait til her book arrives so I can see how much more I know than she does about all this stuff. Just kidding! I'm really looking forward to reading her life stories surrounding her own spiritual experiences. Every time I read or hear stories like these, they not only inspire me in my own life but also bring such a heartwarming feeling to know that a lot of other people are having the same experiences as I am. We're all on our own journey of self discovery, and it's so important to share that with anyone who is willing to listen.

Writing this right now just reminded me of something my dad once told me, before he died that is. (By the way, that's fun to say. When I learned to open my perception one of the perks was learning that I can communicate with people even though they're not physically living anymore. So sometimes my way of explaining a story involves adding little minor details like, "Oh, and this was a conversation that took place after so-and-so died." When you have friends who completely understand what it's like to communicate nonphysically, then this is a normal conversation. And when you talk this way out in public, knowing that complete strangers are overhearing you and wondering what in the world you're talking about, well it's just fun to do that. I keep waiting for someone to be inquisitive enough to ask what we're talking about! It'll happen one day).

Ok, what I was reminded about my dad was something that happened back in 1997. I finally opened up and shared one of the most extraordinary experiences of my life so far, and to my relief and surprise my dad told me, "Vicky, you need to tell that story as often as possible. Don't be afraid of what people will think. The right people need to hear your story!" It was so inspiring. My dad and his little gems of wisdom. I love remembering these moments.

What prompted this happened a year earlier. In my book, Persephone's Journey, I tell the story about how my 8-month-old son had saved my life. Our sweet baby boy always slept through the night, and instead of hearing crying from him upon awakening, you'd hear him laughing and talking to himself through the baby monitor. But one night he did cry, for the first time. It woke us up of course and took us literally a minute or two to figure out what this new sound was. At 3 in the morning, my husband was not happy about having to get up. "He's never cried before, why is he crying now?" I decided to get up too, to help, even though my husband offered to do it himself. But once I sat up in bed, I knew something was wrong. But I had no idea how serious it actually was. If it hadn't been for our son crying us awake, I would have drowned in my own blood.

I had had no idea that a large pseudotumor (it was suggested it was probably scar tissue) was growing inside my lower left lung. It had grown so big that it broke open blood vessels that had slowly been leaking. I had had no idea, despite all the recent coughing, that my lungs were filling with blood. On this particular night my lungs were as filled as they were going to get before I'd have taken my last breath. If I hadn't woken up when I did and coughed up enough blood from my lungs, I would have died in my sleep that morning.

At the hospital I met a man named Luis. That's all I knew about him, pretty much. He seemed like a caring hospital worker whose job it was to consol patients before surgery. I had prayed, silently and alone, for God to just let me know if I was going to die. I wanted to live of course, but if death was in the cards at this time in my life, then I just didn't want it to be a surprise. "Please just let me know if I'm going to die." Luis had indeed tried to consol me many times, assuring me I wasn't going to die. It never occured to me that he was answering my prayer. It's funny how when you pray you don't actually expect an answer.

A couple days after my surgery and I was feeling better, the nurse allowed me to sleep through the night undisturbed. Up until then I literally had a nurse coming in to check on me once or twice an hour. But on this night I was allowed to fully rest, and those several hours of sleep were much needed. I awoke at 2:30 in the morning fully rested, but wishing I had some company. I immediately thought of calling my husband but didn't want to wake him and the baby. I even considered buzzing the nurse in just so I wouldn't be alone. But then I remembered Luis, the nice young man who had been so loving, kind, and patient with me. He had been so nice during each of his visits, either telling me not to worry, telling me that I was going to make it through the surgery, or saying a prayer with me. I just loved his company. His presence was like nothing I'd ever felt from anyone before. I lie there thinking, I wish he'd come visit me again.

At that moment there was movement next to my bed and I turned. Luis was suddenly standing in the room next to my bed. He had this soft glow around him, and I could instantly feel that incredible energy presence of his again. I said in complete amazement, "It's you! You're here!" And Luis said, "I'm always here for you, Vicky".

He explained why he was here, to remind me of my prayer. He said he had come to answer it. He said it was his job to come here to give me that answer, and that he'd tried many times to answer it. "Before your surgery you wanted to know if you were going to die. I came to tell you that you weren't going to die, do you remember that?" I had to admit, I hadn't even realized it. I said, "I'm sorry, I didn't believe you." It was true. All the times that Luis was telling me I had nothing to worry about, that I wasn't going to die, I didn't believe him. I assumed he was just being nice. I had no idea he was actually answering my prayer to God. Luis said, "That's why I'm here. To let you know that it was my job to come to you."

I still remember the feeling of shock and amazement and can imagine the look on my face. I thanked him, and he came and sat on my bedside one last time. Said another prayer with me, and you know what? Every day of my life since then I wish I could remember word for word what he said in that prayer, but I cannot. All I can remember is looking into Luis' face, seeing that soft golden aura that surrounded him, and feeling the love and kindness in his energy field that emanated from him. I was indeed in awe. Probably couldn't have even said my own name at the time. I often remember that state of shock. Not scared, but blown away. There ARE angels, I had thought to myself.

After that experience I didn't tell anyone about it. I didn't think anyone would believe me. I thought about it every single day, every single day! But a year later while visiting at my parents house and thinking about my gratitude at my one-year anniversary of the day I nearly drowned in my own blood, I decided to finally speak up. I said to mom, "I need to tell you something." She listened, didn't say a word as I told her the entire story. I was afraid of what she'd think of me. When I was done she simply said, "Let me go get your dad. He needs to hear this." I was 8 months pregnant with my second child then, and sitting on the back patio. I remember waiting for her to get dad, and wondering what they'd both think of me. Would they be worried I was just making it all up?

When she came back with dad and I re-told the story again, my dad had said, "Vicky, you need to tell everyone you can about this. Keep telling it to anyone who will listen! Don't ever be afraid of what people will think. This is important and the right people will hear this story!" It was an amazing moment, to have both my parents not only completely believing and supporting me, but also encouraging me to speak out and share my experiences. I'm so grateful for that.

FINISHED MY RUBIK'S CUBE!!

2010-12-02T23:08:00.005-07:00

While cleaning out the garage I came across a Rubik's Cube, all scrambled up and no doubt tossed into the garage because all of us poor saps had given up on it. I had one as a kid and even though I'm 40, solving the Rubik's Cube is still on my before-I-die to-do list.

I cheated and Googled for the instructions, and I came across the hard work someone put into video-taping a demonstration of how to solve it, complete with providing all the formulas that go along with it. For two days I studied the two-part video and played it over and over, taking notes on paper as I did. Then I perfected my own notes, adding in more descriptive detail to suit the way my own brain works. Finally I had my own set of instructions for solving the cube, perfectly tailored for me, and I tested them out several times. My kids were impressed, as was I.

While on the phone with Bruce the other day I told him my small victory. "I finally solved my Rubik's Cube!" Bruce and I are best friends and he always surreptitiously one-ups me, seemingly unintentionally but I'm not so sure. A few months ago when I purchased my new computer, a Gateway with 1 TB hard drive and 6 GB of memory and told Bruce the good news, he bragged that he had purchased one the day before that was 1.5 TB. Now he was playfully bragging that he had solved the Rubik's Cube a couple of years ago.

"Well did you solve it on your own or did you have to cheat like I did?" I asked.

"Oh I had to look up the instructions. There's no way I would have lived long enough to solve that god damn thing. I even printed up the instructions to keep on hand!" he said.

"I see you're just as big of a geek as I am. I guess I'm not the only one who does that sort of thing," I said.

"Are you kidding? he said. "I have a Rubik's Cube at each toilet so I can practice it daily. The trick is memorizing the formulas so you don't need the instructions. And I've gotten pretty good at it. I've learned how to be sneaky to look impressive, so that if I'm ever out somewhere with a Rubik's Cube and I know someone is watching me, I can turn it around pretending I'm trying to figure out what to do, then do one of the formulas and act surprised when I get the piece moved where I want it to go!" I laughed, picturing him actually doing that.

"Well you're way past me then," I said. "I still can't do it without the instructions." Bruce said I need to practice doing the formulas while watching to see how the cube moves the piece I'm working on. That's something I've tried to do but haven't succeeded at yet. Bruce said, "Yeah, sometimes I think I know what I'm doing, but then I end up turning one move the wrong way and the whole thing is messed up again!"

"Well," I said. "It was pretty awesome when I finally solved it. It was like my entire brain got drenched in endorphins at that moment. This relief I'd never felt before came over me. Thirty years of build-up, finally released!"

Bruce said, "Yeah...thirty years of Rubik's Cube foreplay finally paying off!" I laughed so hard when he said that.

"Well you know me and how I love formulas. I had no idea it was all about formulas and precise moves," I said. Bruce too said he spent many years just trying to do it one side at a time but it never worked. He said, "Well I think us folks who know how to solve it are now of higher intelligence than others!"

I agree. I don't know if it was tenacity or obsession, but the satisfaction I feel was worth it.

TIME HAS BEEN FLYING

2010-11-11T11:57:00.003-07:00

It's been five months since I've posted! Besides the usual things of life, mostly I've been busy with developing my psychic abilities. I've been so focused on that and taking notes for my next book that blogging about it slipped my mind. I'm learning that I'm not developing psychic ability per se, but it's more about learning how psychic ability works and how my Guidance communicates with me. We all have psychic ability, so it's not so much about learning how to have it, it's about learning how to use skills that you already have. And we all have our own Guidance system working with us.

Guidance is the term I use to denote whatever it is out there who's guiding me...my own greater Consciousness, my higher self, the source from which my soul originated, and I wouldn't hesitate to include in there other beings and spirits who help, guide, and protect us. Whatever you call it or whatever it truely is, it's more than what I know my own physical self to be. We've all had an experience of divine intervention of one kind or another, no matter what our spiritual beliefs are. And since writing my first book, I've heard people tell me that even though they aren't sure what they believe in out there, they know we are not alone here in this world. There's so much out there to explore and experience, I know that for sure.

The amount of psychic experiences I've had over the summer has been enormous, all of which are verified, documented, and included in my next book. I've even had to take some time off from writing it just to let things sink in. I've found that things have been progressing so fast that my notes, writing style, and knowledge are changing week by week! If I look back on some old notes from a couple months ago I think, oh I'm way past that now. And that's exciting! As I write my notes, I'm including all the questions I have and all the possible things I conceive of why, how, and what if. And as I progress, I shrink that down into a more concise view of what I've learned and why it works. My next book will in one way develop as my new experiences do, but also will have to wait until I feel complete in what I've learned.

What I'd like to include in my next book is a more comprehensive overview of how others can learn to do what I'm doing. I'm excited about that. I'm also excited to continue on my own journey and also delve more into seeing, sensing, and communicating with ghosts, learning the art of retrieval, and of course my all-time favorite OBEs. I've been told I'm a little too detail oriented. I know that I do get a little technical at times, but that's how I learn. Hopefully I will be improving my writing skills along the way! It is my hope to pass on what I've learned and teach others what I'm learning about psychic abilities. Just from what I've learned so far, there's a lot more to it than just the typical beliefs. I'm finding how the psychic senses are connected with all the other spiritual and paranormal things I've experienced.

Even when things were really taking off this summer, I never let it go to my head. I really do not feel that what I'm learning is a skill or talent. Each psychic experience I have had has been an opportunity to learn about my ability to communicate with my Guidance and with other living human beings, and of course how they communicate with me. It's a two-way street. It's all interconnected. Everything we experience is something we took part in creating. And discovering the role our own consciousness plays is another component of learning about psychic development.

LITTERBUG

2010-06-14T20:56:00.004-06:00

We all have our quirks, but now one of mine was on display for the entire neighborhood. My biggest quirk is my obsessive-compulsive note-writing habit. I don’t know what it is, but if I don’t write my sticky-note reminders to myself I fear I’ll forget everything. Ok, this is not as bad as the guy in Memento. It’s not that I’ll literally forget everything if I don’t write it all down, but I have to admit that I over-worry that appointments will be missed, logins and passwords will be forgotten, and to-do’s won’t get done. My sticky notes clutter my desk at home. My bathroom mirror sometimes gets a little tricky to see into. I stick sticky notes into my flip-up cell phone and also stick them to my blood-sugar monitor. I have sticky notes in the ash tray of my car and all over my kitchen table. Hmm, now that I’m actually writing this it does seem a little abnormal.

I had to backtrack the course of events leading up to this embarrassing discovery. It baffled me. How had this happened? What was responsible for this mess? A dog? A cat? Surely something had gotten into my trash to cause this mess. By the way, it’s been nearly three weeks and I’m still finding the occasional sticky note outside my house. One was found two weeks ago under a broken hand-painted flower pot in my backyard. That was weird. Another was found in the front yard grass while I was mowing the other day. I think the wind just keeps blowing them around the neighborhood.

Here’s my Memento version of how my personal life via my compulsive sticky-note reminder obsession came to be scattered about for the whole world to see:

Monday: It’s trash day and I’m outside noticing lots of pieces of trash strewn in the bushes along the side of the house, some in the neighbor’s yard. Apparently the wind had had a chance to do its work on the trash before the garbage man had. I go closer to pick up the pieces as I always did—yes, I’m that neighbor you see who would actually step into the street to pick up a piece of trash to throw it away properly. While bending over and grabbing trash bits from my neighbor’s bushes, I notice something familiar. Sticky notes. My sticky notes. My hand writing on those sticky notes. It was my trash that was strewn about in my yard and neighbor’s yard. I look across the street and see one of my neighbors eyeing some trash at the edge of his grass-lined yard which he keeps neatly trimmed. He’s obviously trying to assess what it is and whether he should pick it up. I see him kick it into the street instead. No doubt he’s confident the wind will come by soon enough to remove it for him. I realize it’s one of my tissues. I’ll have to go pick that up later, I think, after he’s not there to see me do it. I’m embarrassed at the realization that it is my trash that has been blown about. And even more embarrassed being uncertain exactly what messages my sticky notes may have contained. How personal were they? I read the ones I’d picked up and so far all were harmless.

Saturday and Sunday: As typical here in Colorado, the wind roared heavily for a couple days, an average of 30 mph they say but also kicking up to 60 or more at times in some regions. Personally, I’m sick of it. Is there anywhere where it doesn’t blow all the time? Because of that wind, I’ll have more yard work to do tomorrow, or as soon as this wind subsides, I told myself. I’m a little bit of a neat freak when it comes to my yard.

Friday: The lone ant had indeed wandered during the night and had made his way upstairs and into my bedroom. I use a tissue to capture him off the wall. He scrambles to escape and not wanting to crush the little fellow, I think quickly and toss the tissue and him into the trash bag beside my desk. It’s a good thing I’d left it there for that quick maneuver. I decide to take the trash bag outside now, scurrying ant inside it, so I gently clasp its top edges and carry it out. It occurs to me outside that if I tie up the bag, the poor little guy will surely meet his death. Ants can’t gnaw their way through plastic bags can they? I don’t have time to ponder nor Google, so I decide the most humane thing to do is to just leave the bag loosely clenched as I place it into the garbage bin. As an extra precaution against the wind, I place it under another trash bag. This way, the loose bag won’t blow away and the ant still has some of his own free will.

Thursday night: I’m up late. I decide to finally tackle some of the sticky notes that cover and clog my computer desk in my bedroom. The important ones get placed in a pile for keeping, while the obsolete ones get tossed into the trash bag near my desk. The trash bag is mostly filled with tissues, but now with all my thrown-away sticky notes it’s full enough to be taken out to the trash pile. Since it’s late, I decide to leave it there and take it out tomorrow.

Thursday afternoon: Mortified by the ant crawling the wall beside her, Abby gets up from her perch, and we humanly capture him by using a measuring cup and some plastic lid to something and free the creature back outside. I spray the window edges and creases a second time. As the evening progresses, another occasional rogue ant is spotted on the wall. After saving the lives of three of these misguided souls, I am growing weary of my good-natured efforts. How are they by-passing the bug spray? I wondered. Hours later one more had somehow made his way in, but I say nothing to Abby who is secured comfortably in her spot. I don’t want to send her into another tizzy. If she doesn’t notice, I won’t have to get up and save this one. He can wander for the night. I’m too tired, I think to myself.

Abby, who is nearing her 13th birthday, has been displaying typical teenage behavior for approximately the past seven years. She sits in the living room chair, sideways, lap top within reach, cell phone within reach, finger-nail beautifying supplies within reach, remote control for the television within reach, paper, pencils, can of Pepsi, and Uni her favorite stuffed animal all within reach. That scene has now become Abby’s spot from which she rarely moves. To try and get her to do so is only asking for trouble.

Thursday morning: I don’t have to look at the calendar to know it is summer. Actually summer isn’t official for another couple of weeks or so, but all the signs of summer are here. I had remembered to buy a big new pump bottle of insect spray at the store today and was securing the usual areas. Especially around the windows outside and also along the front door frame. The bottle lists “ants” as one of its promised targets, yet an ant is spotted on the wall in the living room even after I spray. I manage to catch him and put him back outside. Spraying to prevent them from coming inside is one thing, but killing them outright is another. Among my quirks, not having the heart to kill an insect is one of them. Spiders, now that’s a different story. If there’s one in the house I can kill it because intense fear of spiders is another of my quirks. But a little ant? I couldn’t kill an ant. Besides, how much trouble can one little ant cause?

MY BOOK IS HERE!

2010-05-01T19:00:00.006-06:00

I am proud to finally have the chance to announce that my book, Persephone's Journey, is officially finished! I published through CreateSpace and it will be available on Amazon within a couple weeks. I will post the link when it is ready. The book is also available here: www.createspace.com/3443642.

I created this book first as a personal project for myself, and second as a way to leave my life stories for my children in a neat way. Over time the project developed into the idea of creating a book that others would hopefully find as interesting as I do. I wanted it mainly to be memoir, but specifically to include as many of my life stories surrounding paranormal, psychic, and spiritual events as I could fit into one book. Many more of my experiences didn't make it in.

The book is designed to outline most stories chronologically so as to build a foundation not only for demonstrating a picture of my life, but also to show the development of my beliefs, knowledge, and use of my "sixth senses". Over the years my research in reading as much as I could on these subjects, interviewing authors, and meeting people with similar experiences, one author's work made the most impact on that development. Bruce Moen, author of the Exploring The Afterlife series, teaches us about the use of these nonphysical senses of perception that we all possess, and it was because of his work that my own personal development of my "abilities" became what it is today. I never believed I had special abilities or skills, and in fact I still don't. But I know I am able to use certain senses in such a way that is considered in our society today as much as it has ever been, paranormal. In most common belief systems the word paranormal equates to "abnormal", which in turn equates to "not possible". And it is that kind of thinking which is the biggest obsticle when it comes to learning not only how to use these abilities, but also more importantly that we even have them. They are innate to all of us. They are intrinsic to our fundamental nature as spiritual beings living in this physical reality. And yet we tend to arbitrarily opt for not allowing ourselves to even believe in what is possible. It takes a huge amount of trust and energy to turn that blocking effect around so as to open ourselves up again to the possibilities of what we are able to create and perceive with our very own conscious awareness. No real special abilities, other than the power of consciousness. Sounds mystical, impossible, and difficult? It's no harder than deciding to get out of debt, lose weight, or make any other drastic change in one's beliefs and lifestyle. First you have to want it, then you have to learn how.

I still have a lot to learn. There's still so much I haven't accomplished yet, but I'm on my way. I would have loved to have been able to include more stories of my own personal experience with what Bruce mainly teaches, Afterlife Retrieval. But so far I haven't had many to tell and none quite as impressive as what many of Bruce's workshop participants continue to experience. I'm still learning to explore, still learning to trust and to open myself up that way. They will come, I know that. I've seen enough of my own personal advancement with these so-called abilities to know that whatever I put my mind to, I will be able to accomplish. I used many of Bruce's teachings in my book to demonstrate how my own psychic ability works, without which I would not have the knowledge and use of in any recognizable fashion. For Bruce, I am eternally grateful. I am so proud of him for what he's accomplished and that he is still teaching. I hope he continues to do so for many years to come and that many more people will continue to be inspired by his work as I have. I hope, too, that my experiences will do the same.

CONTACT FROM MY DAD

2010-02-04T00:02:00.004-07:00

My dad passed away two weeks ago. He’d been very sick for many years and lucky to have lived so long with such illness as congestive heart failure, high blood pressure, atrial fibrillation, severe peripheral neuropathy, diabetes, and other problems. Each day since his death I'd been waiting for and expecting to feel his presence or see some sign of him trying to contact me in some way. My dad's belief in his physical life was that contact between the physical world and the other side wasn't right. It's not that he didn't believe it was possible, it's that he just didn't think it was right. It brought up a lot of questions in me. Now that dad's on the other side, would his belief prevent him from contacting me at all? Would his belief have changed now that he's on the other side?

Each day since his death I'd been sending my thoughts to him, of love, memories, and of letting him know I want to know how he's doing. It's my belief he's receiving my messages, but another question came up…is he ignoring my request for contact because of religious beliefs he held during his lifetime? Granted I had no idea what kind of message, sign, or contact dad would make...showing me a physical sign, hearing his voice in the white noise of a phone call, feeling his presence, or seeing him in a dream....but I figured he'd do something to answer my request for contact. It was never a question of mine whether he still existed somewhere or even if he was receiving my thoughts to him.

Then my next question was, when Dad receives my messages and loving thoughts, is it possible this would convince him it's okay to make contact? My only desire was to have some form of contact that, in whatever way, was a confirmation to me that it was indeed contact with him and a reassurance that he was doing fine. Because of my own belief and wide variety of experiences, I was open to anything. To me, it was only a matter of when.

Over the weekend as it was approaching a couple weeks since his passing, I was getting a little impatient. I figured by now I should have received something. I decided to give another try at making a serious effort to get my request through. I was at work, sitting in my chair at my desk. I closed my eyes and took some relaxing deep breaths. I directed my thoughts to my Higher Self and said in my mind, I'm setting intent for contact with my dad. The first part of my intent is that my messages and thoughts to Dad get sent to him, and the second part is that I receive, in some way, some contact from my dad in whatever way he feels comfortable and in whatever way I can perceive. And I reminded myself that this is the beginning of a process and I accepted that it will unfold in whatever manner and time it takes. (I hoped this last part would take the pressure off of any expectations I had that could block my perception).

Stating my intent didn't take long, maybe a minute or two. Instantly in complete surprise, I found myself on a ship sailing in the ocean. There was nothing to notice about the transition…it just went from one moment to the next. I was completely aware that I had just been sitting in my chair at work and setting an intent to my Higher Self, and yet I also felt completely realistically standing on a large, old-time ocean liner and looking out over the railing into the rushing waves.

I consciously decided to allow myself to go along with this scene to see where it led, and the more I relaxed, the more fully immersed into the scene I became. Soon I felt out of body like a point of consciousness, completely disconnected from my physical surroundings of just a moment ago. As I looked out over the railing and into the ocean, I saw the ocean waves, saw that we were moving, and saw that I had my back to the front of the ship and could not see where we were headed, only where we'd been.

Standing next to me on my left, someone dressed as the ship's Captain made his presence known by thought, letting me know he's received my messages and request. It was at that moment that I realized my intent to speak to my Higher Self had been delivered, and that this scene must be a symbolic representation of that process. My Higher Self dressed as Captain crossed in front of me and passed through a door on my right, and I could see him walk up a small flight of stairs, accompanied by someone else. I wondered where he was going and instinctively understood he was going up top to steer the ship to the destination I'd set intent for. I wanted to go too but felt that it wasn't my place to do so. The feeling I received told me that my role was only to go along for the ride. So this must be how it works, I thought. I am responsible for setting my intent, and then the rest gets taken care of. I don't even need to figure out how I get there but just go along for the ride.

Someone dressed in a sailor's uniform, accompanied by someone else, came out through the door and as he passed in front of me heading for the railing that overlooked the ocean he said to his companion, "But how will I know it works? Will I remember? How will I recognize him?" The person accompanying him reassured him that feeling doubt was normal but not to worry about that as long as he took responsibility for his part in the process. This seems to represent an aspect of myself that worries if I'll be able to feel the connection to my Higher Self the next time I want to set intention for something, I thought. Watching this whole scene in this way reassured me of the role that I play in this process.

I started to come back to normal waking consciousness and was able to remember the entire experience. Since this experience showed me how the process of placing intent works, I knew that I’d be soon having some contact with my dad.

Hours later while still at work and taking another break, I sat at my desk and closed my eyes to relax. I found myself suddenly standing inside my parents’ house. I was out of body again but wasn’t aware of it. I didn’t have the split awareness between the OBE and physical reality that I’d had in my previous experience while on the ship. I also wasn’t aware that just moments ago I was sitting at my desk at work.

As I stood inside my parents’ house I realized I could hear my dad speaking. It was such a joy to hear his voice again and hear his laughter. He was obviously in a very happy mood and enjoying himself. As I listened I could tell he was doing what he loved best…talking about God and relating stories from The Bible. My dad loved writing sermons. Hearing Dad this way was something I haven’t heard in many years. Dad sounded so young, vibrant, and alive…and especially happy. I was so relieved to hear and feel him this way. I knew Dad must have been feeling wonderful. Dad’s words flowed fluidly into each other without pause or space in between them, yet I could understand everything he said. It was as if hours of speaking only took mere seconds.

I wanted to go to him and wondered where he was. It sounded like he was high above me and it made me wonder maybe Dad is just upstairs in his room? But as soon as I thought that, I got the feeling I wasn’t able to go to where he was but was only receiving a message from Dad to let me know how he was doing. Oh. He must not actually be here in the house, but I just hear him. How am I able to hear my dad if he’s not really here? I asked myself.

Then I thought, he’s back! Dad’s back to his old self. I could tell just by listening to how happy he sounded that my dad was back to his old self, and that he was no longer suffering from all the illness and ailments of his physical body. That realization made me wonder, but Dad used to be so sick. Now he’s back to his old healthy, young self again. I haven’t heard Dad so happy in such a long time. By now I was a little confused, and it was at this point that I began to come back to normal waking consciousness very slowly. As I became more consciously focused in physical reality, I lost the feeling of being in my parents’ house, and along with it I was losing memory very quickly. The only thought in my mind that remained was hearing myself think “he’s back” and feeling my dad’s presence.

He’s back? I asked myself. He’s back alive again? I still wasn’t quite all the way back to normal waking consciousness as I began trying to analyze this. I thought that “he’s back” meant my dad had somehow been brought back to life. This obviously made no sense and I felt very confused. Then suddenly I remembered having seen my dad’s dead body in the ER and I knew it was not possible for him to be back alive again.

As I began to more fully come back to normal waking consciousness I thought about what I could have possibly meant by thinking the words “he’s back”.

Suddenly full memory of my OBE at my parents’ house came back into my awareness. I could remember everything…hearing dad’s voice, and hearing how happy, healthy, and young he sounded. It was amazing that from one moment to the next I could so easily forget everything that had just happened. But just by wondering what those words meant to me brought back full memory of the experience into my conscious awareness.

I indeed finally got my contact experience with my dad, and this experience showed me that Dad was back to his old self again, feeling young, happy, and enjoying himself. It felt so good to experience him this way and to know he is doing well on the other side. And although this wasn’t the type of contact experience I’d been expecting or hoping for, I feel the unexpectedness of it makes it all the more genuine. I am so thankful for it.

I LOVE YOU DAD

2010-01-31T18:51:00.007-07:00

I can't believe I'm writing this, especially since my last blog post was about nonphysical communication with my dad while he was alive. Dad passed away on January 19, 2010, just three weeks after I wrote that story about him. The first thing on my mind was will dad contact me in some way? Will I still be able to communicate with him? And those who know me well have been asking, "So have you had contact with your dad since his death?"

Well, not yet. Not that I'm aware of anyway. So far I haven't sensed his presence in any way physically around me. But everyone's different, and I am not sure in what way would be dad's style. One way I expected was just to get the sense that dad was around me, talking to me, and that I'd feel his presence and words. I'll have to continue tuning into my nonphysical senses and seeing what I can pick up.

I am so fortunate and thankful to have come this far in my belief system...to know and believe that physical death is not the end but only a transition, and to be able to emotionally survive the death of one of my parents and be "ok". It will always be difficult having to endure the death of a loved one, but I truly know that death isn't the end of a life. My spiritual beliefs have comforted me, my psychic and paranormal life experiences have prepared me, and my sense of faith has supported me enough to know. And for that I am truely fortunate and eternally grateful.

So while I still haven't received any sign or feeling of dad's presence since his passing, I'm still talking to him every day, sending him my thoughts and messages. I know he's receiving it all. And I do believe I will have a contact experience from him in some way.

Some things I know:

1. Mom says dad didn't believe it was right to contact the other side and vice versa. However, now that he's there would his belief carry over and prevent him from making contact? Even so, could my belief in afterlife contact bridge this gap and show dad it's ok? I will always believe our loved ones receive our thoughts over there, whether or not we receive verification or contact. And in my heart I believe they find ways to get through to us...we just need to be open to receive it.

2. Bruce says sometimes those who have just passed are busy...not insofar as in the sense of time that we experience here in the physical, but more in a sense of frame-of-mind kind of busy. So, if you are trying to make contact and feel you're not receiving anything, it could mean that they are busy. They need time to get into the frame of mind, too, for making contact. They need time to adjust to the transition and their new surroundings and ways of being, and time to do some healing, growing, and learning as well. But our messages always get through no matter what. If you direct your thoughts to them, they will receive them. And they will get back to you when it's the right time.

3. Sometimes our own frame of mind is not conducive to receiving contact. We may be trying so hard to hear from them that we are not in the right frame of mind to listen and receive. Sometimes just doing mindless, everyday tasks is a perfect frame of mind for contact.

4. Bruce also suggested to me not to try so hard looking for physical signs but to just let the sign stick out on its own. A sign could be anything; you just have to notice it and discover what meaning it has for you. Our loved ones have our best interest at heart. They know our moods, feelings, and frames of mind, and they will try to get through to us when it's a good time or in a way we can notice.

When the ER team decided to stop trying to resuscitate Dad, I was relieved. It had been over an hour and I knew he was already gone and not coming back. Dad was only 69 but had suffered with congestive heart failure, peripheral neuropathy, atrial fibrillation, diabetes, and other health issues for many years. I was relieved for him, knowing he no longer had to put up with that failing physical body. When they stopped the rigorous chest compressions and allowed us to say our goodbyes, I put my hand in dad's and said, "I love you, Dad" and that was it. I didn't want to focus any longer on dad being physically dead, but wanted to transition my focus of thoughts to knowing that dad is a spiritual being (as we all are) who continues to live in what we call the afterlife.

LONG DISTANCE COMMUNICATION

2009-12-26T18:03:00.004-07:00

I'd like to post a reply to a comment someone left on one of my stories. It was so lovely to receive her comment that it inspired me to reply here:

Hi Suzanne. I hope you are finding comfort in spite of the loss of your father, comfort in knowing he is not really gone. I have no doubt that he definitely has been contacting you. They want to contact us as much as we want to contact them.

The transition of death is something I think about of my loved ones every single day, because I know that one day I will have to experience it. They say that we should tell our loved ones we love them when they are alive while we have the chance because you just never know when you will lose someone. I'd like to add to that that it is also good to practice nonphysical communication while our loved ones are still physically alive. Nonphysical communication is a way to communicate and works long distance whether the receiver is physically living or dead.

I've found that during those times when it's especially difficult to communicate to someone what you are really feeling, or it's hard to find the right words to say, you can do it nonphysically. That is to say, do it mentally. Your conscious intention and the energy of your thoughts will deliver the message.

Once, many years ago, I was feeling depressed both emotionally and physically. I simply wanted someone to comfort me but I didn't know who to reach out to for it. This feeling dragged on for many days to the point where I was feeling so desperate and often tearful. I thought of calling my dad, knowing that if he knew how I felt he'd know exactly what to say to cheer me up. But my dad had so many health issues that it made me feel selfish wanting to call him for my own needs of comfort. So instead of physically calling dad, I did it mentally. I sat on my bed and allowed myself to feel and express all the emotions associated with what I was feeling and thinking. Then I prayed that dad would get my message.

I am not a religious person, but my use of what God means to me is that God is the greater Consciousness of all of us and includes my higher self and all the spiritual guidance and protection I've ever known in this lifetime. Whatever all that is, I call it God. It's a good enough working definition for this physical lifetime's purposes. I figure if there's more for me to know, it'll come. For now, I just use what I know.

So I sat on my bed and mentally said, "God, I'm feeling so depressed and sad and I just want my dad's comfort. But I can't ask him for it. He's not too healthy and I feel selfish asking him to take care of me. I should be calling only to give love and comfort, not ask for it. Will you please send him my love at this moment and let him know that I need him? I know if I call him right now I'll just cry and I don't want to make him feel bad for me. If you get my message to him, I promise that when I am feeling better I will use that opportunity to call and give him love and comfort."

Putting these feelings into words really made the tears flow. I sat there for a moment allowing all this energy to get expressed and released, and it made me feel better. It helped me put things into perspective a little.

Then I got off my bed and walked to the living room to sit at my computer. The phone began ringing before I could even sit down. I answered, and it was my dad. He said, "Vicky, are you ok? Is something wrong?" I lied and said I was fine. He asked me if I was sure I was ok, because he got a very strong feeling that he needed to call me. Dad said, "It was such a strong feeling that I just knew something was wrong with my little girl. So are you sure you're ok?"

It was at that point that I broke down crying. I couldn't believe what I was hearing from Dad. Not even an entire minute passed between sending my mental message to Dad and him calling me on the phone. Through my tears I managed to explain to Dad how desperately I'd wanted to talk to him on the phone and how much I wanted to hear his love and comfort. I told him about my prayer just a minute ago.

By now Dad was crying too. "I got your message Vicky! I got it loud and clear. I was just sitting here at my desk when I heard "You need to call Vicky!" I knew it wasn't just my imagination. I could feel that something was wrong with you. It hit me so strongly I just picked up the phone and called."

We both cried and laughed and felt so thankful for this amazing experience. It was amazing that Dad had received my message within moments of me mentally sending it, and what's even more amazing is that he listened to it! He didn't just brush it off as "only his imagination". He listened. He followed his feelings. It made for an amazing experience that I'll never forget.

So I did get my comforting phone call from my dad after all. And I'm so thankful it happened the way that it did.

I'd like to say to Suzanne, the person who said she's beginning to believe she's received contact from her deceased father...I know he's receiving your thoughts, prayers, feelings, and emotions. I know that there is no boundary or limitation to the energy of our consciousness and thoughts. I know that nonphysical communication works, whether the person is living or deceased.

And when we are the ones on the receiving end of long distance, nonphysical communication we need to be paying attention. We need to listen to it and trust that it is real. It can come in any way or form and any time. It doesn't matter how contact and communication is made, as long as we recognize it. I truly believe that if one method doesn't get through to us, there will be another one sure to follow. A song on the radio, something we hear someone say, something we read. A thought, feeling, or memory. The possibilities are endless. You'll know it when you receive it. Just like my dad did. He said it hit him loud and clear.

So in whatever way you believe you are receiving a message, just trust and believe in it. Your emotions will tell you what is real to you and what feels right.

Thanks for listening, Dad.

HEMI-SYNC AND OBES

2009-10-16T20:35:00.004-06:00

A few weekends ago I had the opportunity to attend a TMI get-together hosted by my friend Matthew in Boulder, Colorado. He's an outreach trainer for The Monroe Institute http://www.monroeinstitute.org/ and was giving a free hemi-sync session at his house. It's a fun way to indulge in the group energy of those of us coming together with the same intent of exploring.

I drove up with Rob--one of my friends who's been to TMI several times--and after everyone arrived there were 12 of us including Matthew and his wife Janet. We sat in the family room getting acquainted and sharing a little about what we know of TMI and hemi-sync technology and other related topics.

When we got ready to begin the first session, we broke into pairs to each share an MP3 player that Matthew had pre-programmed with the hemi-sync tape he wanted us to hear. We all scattered around the house to find our own spots and set out our comforters and pillows to get ready for the session. The tape we listened to is called Metamusic, this one named "Higher" and is very relaxing music with hemi-sync. This effect alters your brain waves, and I believe that typically hemi-sync works to give you the theta brainwave state, although I don't know this specifically. All I know for certain is what I know from my old days of experimentation with the Theta state and the quick effects it has on producing out-of-body experiences.

After getting comfy, it wasn't long before my partner James was breathing heavy and then snoring. I wondered how long it would be before I became that relaxed as well, but I knew that it's very easy to fall physically asleep without even realizing it. So far, though, I hadn't heard myself snoring so I wasn't yet as physically relaxed as I wanted to be. I mentally set my intent for something specific I wanted to experience during this session--a question I had in mind because of a recent OBE I had had the week before. It had been one of those "high" OBEs, what I have come to call a spiritual OBE in order to differentiate it from the more common classic-type out-of-body experiences I normally have. These spiritual ones have been ongoing for me over the years and seem to be telling me a story or preparing me for what's to come. I'm obviously still in the process of learning whatever they are all about, which is why I was left with a huge question after this last one. (I've mentioned a few of these OBEs in my book, Persephone's Journey). So my mental intent was to ask specific questions about that experience...Was the message I received really from my higher self, or was it just something that my subconscious mind made up and superimposed into my experience? How can I know for sure? How can I trust it was real?

After a few minutes I didn't hear my partner snoring anymore but was still aware of him lying next to me. What happened next told me I was already under the effects of the hemi-sync. Bruce was suddenly there next to me, tugging at my sleeve. I imagined looking over at him and saw him smiling and excited like a little kid who wanted to go play. "Bruce, I'm busy. I'm trying to do Matthew's workshop. We're listening to hemi-sync right now and I'm trying to have an experience." Bruce didn't seem to care, and he continued to tug and pull at me. I realized it wasn't really Bruce, not physical Bruce. This was nonphysical Bruce. "C'mon Vicky," he said. "Let's go have some fun." Just in case I was making all this up, I wasn't treating this experience as a true altered state of consciousness...yet. (Sometimes it just takes me a little while to figure out what’s really going on).

I wasn't budging. I wanted to remain focused on the Metamusic and give serious effort at exploring. I wanted the hemi-sync effects to take me away. What I didn't realize was that experiencing Bruce tugging at me meant I was already under its effects.

I tried once more to ignore Bruce beside me who I considered might only be just my imagination and not real. But ignoring him didn't make him go away, not for long anyway. Nonphysical Bruce flew out through the family room window and out into Matthew's back yard. He did a flip off the back porch and I thought, Ok, I'm definitely making this up. I need to just concentrate on the tape.

I focused my attention back to the tape, but it wasn't long before Bruce came floating back in and hovered next to me, which would have placed him directly on top of my partner. "Vicky, come on. I could show you some fancy ways to fly. It’ll be fun," Bruce said, tugging on me again. It was now slowly beginning to dawn on me that I wasn't making it up.

My ability to hear the tape came and went between focusing either on the tape or on Bruce. That, combined with how easily I perceived Bruce, was a good indication this was all real. Wait a sec, I thought. When I sent away the impression of Bruce before, which I thought was just imaginary and not real, he flew away. And now he’s back. Maybe this is real. Maybe I should just go along with this and see what happens. By trying so hard to have a nonphysical exploration experience, I didn't recognize I was already having one, until the idea came to me to just go along with whatever I was experiencing. Bruce's spirit was really actually trying to help and I hadn’t realized it until now. Now I realized that if I only focused on lying there waiting for something real to happen, then all I would experience is waiting for something to happen.

So I finally gave in and said "okay" to Bruce and nonphysically gave him my hand. I instantly floated out of my body and we flew away. I remembered nothing of our flying experience and what seemed only moments later, I found myself back in my body still lying there listening to the music. One little bit of confirmation of these types of nonphysical experiences is that while they are taking place, I'm not able to physically hear the music playing. Once back in my body, however, the sounds of the type are right there again. I smiled to myself, telling myself I'd have to remember to let Bruce know of his silly antics today. That is, let physical Bruce know, despite the fact that he'd have no memory of it.

Much to my surprise, my finally trusting the experience of Bruce as real must have blown my nonphysical perception wide open. Without any notice at all, I was now much deeper than I realized because a moment later Matthew walked up to me and knelt down in front of me. It was very awkward indeed, and I realized he was pretty much kneeling over my face. "Matthew! What are you doing? You're in my face!" This was weird. It looked like he was actually kneeling on my chest, yet I didn't feel a thing.

"It's ok. I'm making adjustments to your headset," he told me. It didn't make sense Matthew would actually be bothering me this way and it certainly was impossible for him to be physically kneeling over me like that. I realized this was nonphysical Matthew just as I’d experienced nonphysical Bruce a few moments ago. My perception, though, was now as clear and real-looking as that of physical-reality seeing. I must be out of body, cool! I'll just wait and see what this leads to, I thought to myself. I definitely wanted to continue trusting my experience and open up my nonphysical perception even more.

After nonphysical Matthew was finished making his necessary adjustments, he suddenly disappeared and the next thing I knew his wife Janet walked over to where I was lying on the floor. She quickly came around to my right side, reached down, and yanked my comforter out from under me in one quick swoop.

Hey! That's my blanket! I wonder what she did that for. She knows I was lying on it, I thought to myself, at first believing it was physically happening but then realizing it was all nonphysical. Because of the previous two experiences with nonphysical Bruce and nonphysical Matthew, I realized quickly that this was nonphysical Janet. Obviously they were all playing a role in inducing some kind of experience for me. I went along with it, knowing this had to have something to do with answering my questions I asked at the beginning while setting my intention.

Janet shook my blanket up into the air, the way all of us moms do when we're tucking our kids into bed. Because of my intention to just go along with whatever I experience, I continued to watch to see what was going to happen next. I fully expected my blanket to come gliding down on top of me, and while waiting I had that excited feeling my kids must feel when I do this to them. Even at the age they are now, 12 and 13, each of my kids still loves to feel silly this way, still asking me once in a while to shake the blanket into the air over the bed. As I watched, though, my blanket didn't come down. Janet held onto it as it slowly began to continue floating upward and out of her hands. By instinct I thought, My blanket! and I felt myself reach up into the air to grab it. Again I floated up out of my body.

This trick by nonphysical Janet had been a good one. It worked. Although I still felt as if I were lying on the floor, I instantly knew I was nonphysical Me. Not being able to hear the hemi-sync tape again was another indication that I was indeed under the full effects of it. A moment later something very heavy landed on my lap. I felt it plop onto me with a thud. I knew it had to be something nonphysical, and my instinctive reaction was to sit up and see what it was. I felt myself sit upright and look down into my lap, but I couldn't see my physical body. Oh yeah, I'm out of body. This is a nonphysical experience, I thought to myself. (I’m so used to using my physical instincts that I can sometimes easily forget that I’m out of body).

Laying across my lap was a huge book. I could clearly see the title of it, which read "I Don't Even Need To Know The Facts". I realized this was in direct answer to my questions I posed in my intent to know more about last week's spiritual OBE message I'd received. I chuckled to myself when I read the title. I knew exactly what it meant. I knew this book was a gift from my higher self as a way to answer my questions. I found it humorous that my higher self would deliver a message in the form of a book since I'm working on getting a book published. This nonphysical book with its vague title made me realize that I was spending too much focus on asking the wrong questions. I got the distinct feeling at that moment that the message delivered in my spiritual OBE was indeed a real message and that I just needed to trust and have faith. "Don't worry about the details", this book seemed to be telling me. "Focus on trust." This book was huge...a lot to be said about trust!

After the hemi-sync session was over, I felt very satisfied that I indeed had had a real experience and that it definitely answered what I'd set intent for. It's also fun to note that we each nonphysically are there working as guides and helpers to each other. Physically Matthew and his wife weren't aware of their nonphysical actions that helped facilitate my experience, just as Bruce rarely is aware either. But this is the nature of nonphysical exploration. Just another neat little tidbit that I love to point out.

CONTACT FROM A DEAD FRIEND

2009-09-23T00:34:00.005-06:00

A dead friend came to visit in an unusual way, making himself known in my awareness by popping into my mind a memory from some twenty years ago. It was the type of memory that you would have no reason to think about unless something triggered it. But I could think of no logical trigger for this particular memory.

The memory spontaneously played in my mind's eye as if I were watching a recorded silent video version of it, all from the same visual perspective of the eyes of my 17-year-old self. As I watched the replay I remembered the moment as clearly as if it had just actually taken place. It made me laugh at myself, remembering my impulsive youthfulness that sometimes got mistaken for arrogance I suppose. I was having fun, being as spontaneous as this odd flashback of a memory.

At the time of the flashback, I didn't consider it a visit, just a memory. I didn't realize it was a direct answer to the intent I’d set in requesting Guidance to help me learn to make contact with the deceased. After all, I had no reason to think this friend from my past was dead.

The next day I happened to be browsing a website for my upcoming 20th high school reunion and the announcement section caught my eye. His name was there, listed as deceased…the friend from the spontaneous memory the day before. I couldn’t believe it. Could the spontaneous memory flashback have anything to do with him consciously deciding to contact me from the other side?

I sat there thinking hard about what I was doing in the moments just before the odd memory flashback had popped into my head. And I remembered that I was sitting at my desk, browsing Bruce’s website, http://www.afterlife-knowledge.com/, and had read his response to a question about the use of a Quija Board for contacting your spirit guide. That conversation got me thinking about my wanting to contact my own spirit guides. (I already obviously believed in such contact because of my many previous experiences).

So I closed my eyes, took some deep relaxing breaths, and I set the intent that I'd like to have my Guidance help facilitate my practice at learning after-death communication. I asked Guidance to give me an experience where I'm in contact with a deceased person and to help me learn to recognize such an experience when it happens.

Now that I realized the odd memory flashback had occurred right after I set that intent, I was excited that I had gotten a direct experience that was exactly what I'd asked for. But I was disappointed in myself that I had failed to recognize it for what it was.

My friend Bruce tells me all the time, "Vicky, you need to pay attention to the very next thing that comes into your awareness, no matter what it is, even if it doesn't seem to fit or make sense. It will almost always be in direct response to what you were just thinking, asking, or intending."

Because I failed to recognize this after-death contact at the moment it happened, I wanted to find a way to verify that it was indeed genuine contact. Then I got an idea. I'd ask a test question, whose answer must prove that this sequence of events had indeed been a tailored experience and was indeed conscious contact from a dead friend. So I relaxed, set intent, and spoke to my Guidance again. This time I said, "Can you please show me something that proves to me the contact from this deceased person was real?" I waited but seemingly nothing happened. Well, as I've been learning, something did happen, I just failed to notice it…again.

In the most splendidly orchestrated way, the next thing that actually popped into my awareness was—not so ironically—another spontaneous memory of another friend from long ago. This memory, however, went back much farther than some twenty years. This memory went back all the way to the first grade. That would have made me around 7. That would place this memory back in time about thirty years. I knew instantly that there was no other logical trigger for this memory. The sequence of events played perfectly in my mind's eye, forcing me to relive a moment of my life from way back when.

Again, I failed to see this second spontaneous memory as an answer to the question I had just posed to my Guidance. I also made the mistake of not seeing this memory as a connection to the previous experience. Although they were very similar odd experiences, I wasn't aware of what was in store for me.

The realization of the connection, however, came a few hours later that day when I received an email from a woman who was the girl in my memory from first grade. Her email gave her phone number, and when I called she said she'd been thinking of me for a while, wanting to find a way to contact me. Finally she found my email address because of the high school reunion website. It had indeed been many years since we'd been in contact.

Well, if that isn’t a direct answer then I don’t know what is. The odds were way beyond mere coincidence. A memory of her popping into my mind just hours before she contacted me was not something I'd brush off as mere coincidence. It was a definite sign from my Guidance, letting me know in a very clear way that my experience of having the thought or memory of someone popping into my awareness was an indication of that person’s intention of contacting me.

Obviously with these two identical experiences, it didn't matter whether the person was dead or alive. Because I had no real way of confirming the first contact with the person now known to be deceased, I couldn't verify that he was actually intending contact with me. But because the second, living person could verify her desire to contact me, it gave me enough verification to trust this type of experience as an indicator of conscious contact.

Bruce is right. When there is something that comes into your awareness immediately after placing an intent, you can almost always count on it being in direct answer to what you were just thinking, feeling, asking, or intending. Our Guidance does this for us. And the way we perceive and receive information coming into our awareness is a filtration process that comes to our conscious minds in a way which we can recognize. Paying attention to this process is key.

I’ve noticed this throughout my life. And I'm sure many people have too, but we always tend to call it coincidence. You think of someone you haven't seen or talked to in a long time. Then suddenly the phone rings, and it’s them. What a coincidence, we say.

Dead or alive, we're all connected that way. Our thoughts and intentions really are powerful things.

THE PSYCHIC PARADOX

2009-08-01T21:23:00.004-06:00

This entry is long overdue. For some reason I’ve been holding onto this one and wanting to re-write it before I add it to my blog. It happened in June and so I’m just now getting around to re-writing this, cutting out all the extra blah blah blah that I do. I know I over-analyze things to death. Everyone tells me so. They also tell me I’m intense. I over-think things. I worry too much. And that I just need to accept things, and not ask so many questions all the time. That pretty much sums up what all my blah blah blah was about in my original version of this story. So here, hopefully, is the shorter version. We’ll see.

Basically what I’ve learned the most from this experience is that if I don’t pay attention, I miss things. Obviously that’s true, but most of the time our daily lives don’t require paying much attention to little details. We get by just fine. But there’s a lot to be delved into with those details. A lot of interesting stuff. Well, what I consider interesting, that is. But then again, I’m an intense over-thinker who analyzes things to death and asks too many questions, and blah blah blah. Ok, until I get a better handle on how all this psychic stuff works, I’m going to continue analyzing it. I can’t help it.

My daughter Abigail had spent the night at a friend’s house, and the next day on my way home from work I planned to come get her. The friend’s mother had moved to a new place, so I was faced with another round of asking for directions. I always hate going to a new place because I hate getting directions. It was a town home complex which meant a parking lot with all its entryways, turns, dead-ends, carports, speed bumps...Oh joy. Here I was on my cell phone taking in all of Abby’s directions, knowing that asking her to put the mother on the phone wouldn’t have made much more of a difference. I pictured all the lefts and rights and speed bumps and landmarks in my head as Abby relayed them, and I figured I’d at least get pretty close to the right town home. If need be, I’d call her again once I got in the general vicinity.

I was doing fine until I reached the final “left” or “right”. I couldn’t remember which one it was and I stopped the car and tried to think, replaying Abby’s directions in my head. As I sat there with the car idling, my eyes fell onto the DIRECTV truck parked directly in front of me. I was at a T and could go either to my left or right. I knew that the DIRECTV truck catching my attention meant something, as some kind of marker in helping me find Abby, although she hadn’t mentioned the truck in her directions and it wasn’t parked in front of a town home. But I felt strongly that it was a marker. I guess if I had to gauge it, I’d say it was a little bit more to the left of me than it was the right, and so I chose to turn left, sort of unconsciously deciding that that’s what the truck meant. Since no other psychic feelings were coming to mind, I didn’t give it more thought. I turned left and rounded the corner and pulled up in front of a row of town homes. I phoned Abby’s cell.

“Ok, I’m here. I’m out front, can you see me?” Abby said she was getting her stuff and heading toward the front door. When she opened it, she couldn’t see me. Since it was 5:15 pm, I asked Abby what she could see out the front door and if she was facing the sun. She said no, no sun, but she was facing a bridge. Once she said that, I realized I was completely on the opposite side of the parking lot. Somewhere along the line I had messed up on one of my rights and lefts.

Now looking back on this, if I had paid more attention to the DIRECTV truck and the fact that my attention was strongly drawn to it as a marker to find Abby, I could have gone back to that spot and taken a right instead. But since the moment had passed, this logic had escaped me. I instead drove the car around trying to come out to what I thought was the entrance to retrace my steps, but came to a dead-end instead. Abby was still on the phone with me. “Mom, I’m outside. I still don’t see you yet. I see a DIRECTV truck, does that help?”

I couldn’t believe she said that. “Yes Abs, I know exactly what you’re talking about. I’ll be there in a second.” Somehow, that DIRECTV truck did come in handy after all. I don’t know how or why, but 5 minutes earlier, before Abby had thought of the clever indication of the truck, I had picked up on the significance of the truck as being a marker. It’s as though I had reached into the future by 5 minutes and pulled back Abby’s thought of the truck helping direct me to her. Funny that the name was Direct, as in “direction”, although at the time I perceived the truck as being a key piece of information in finding Abby, I didn’t quite get enough information for it to prevent me from getting all my directions tangled up and causing me to drive in circles and hitting dead ends.

I say this again, and I always say this, that the more I recognize these psychic instances, the more I need to open the flow of allowing more information to come through. Maybe I can construct a set of questions to ask in an instance such as this. Perhaps something like, “Why is this standing out to me? I know it means something, but what?” Maybe if I listen and am a little patient, I’ll get more information. I’ll have to do a thought experiment and some practice to get acquainted with a process that I can easily remember and implement.

Ok, so I was able to easily drive back to where the DIRECTV truck was parked and expected to see Abby but once I got there, no Abby. I wondered why she’d use the truck as a marker when she was really no where near the truck at all. Now this was getting more confusing. Realizing I was still on the phone with her, I told her I was right in front of the truck but didn’t see her. She said, “Well I’m not anywhere near the truck, but I can see it in the distance and just figured it was a marker that you could easily find.” Wow, she was right. In fact I got that message 5 minutes ago! I just hadn’t had a way to really put the information into action for me. But like I said earlier, if I had realized that turning left at the truck was wrong, I could have then gone back to the truck and taken a right. (Looking back at that layout, it seems I would have actually reached Abby before she would have had any chance at coming up with the indication of using the truck as a marker for me. After all, she was still inside her friend’s house when I phoned her the first time. Her thought of telling me about the truck hadn’t reached her mind yet when I first saw the truck. If I had realized I needed to turn “right” at the truck since “left” was wrong, I would have driven right up to where she was before needing to get more directions from her. And actually now that I think about that, if that had been the case, then I probably would not have discovered how the DIRECTV truck had grabbed my attention. Without Abby needing a reason to use the truck as a marker, I never would have made the connection).

So I turned right and followed a line of homes and finally found Abby and her friend waving at me at the end of the block. When I pulled up to her, I asked why she thought of pointing out the truck. She said, “Well, it was the furthest thing I could see from where I was standing. It stood out. I figured you didn’t know which way to turn. Remember when you asked me if I could see the sun? I couldn’t see the sun but I could see a bridge. The bridge is over there.” She pointed. She was right. Her line of thinking was good logic, and the DIRECTV truck had come in handy. But it had all come to me too soon and didn’t make sense at the time.

If I had realized I needed to turn right at the truck and had reached her before she mentioned it, would I still have received the psychic information of the truck being a marker? Obviously yes, or I wouldn’t have thought of turning right at the truck the second time around. It’s one of those conundrums that’s so fun to think about. It’s kind of like asking, what came first? My psychic reception that Abby would have a future thought of using the truck as a marker? Or Abby’s need to use the truck as a marker? Obviously it sounds logical to deduce that if my psychic link was to Abby’s future thought, and I interceded it and thus eliminated the need for her to have that thought, then how could I have picked up on a thought that didn’t exist? It seems to be saying that Abby’s need to give me more directions along with her thought of using the truck as a marker were things that were going to happen anyway. Is this a correct line of logic? Is there anything logical about trying to figure out how psychic stuff works? Maybe not, but it is fun to ponder.

Oh, so when I said I learned from this experience the need to pay more attention to things, what I also learned is that I need to remember that the next time something stands out to me as meaning something, I will immediately deduce that it has everything to do with exactly what I’m dealing with at the moment. No more of this, “Oh that seems to mean something but I don’t know what. Oh well.” Next time something like this happens, I’m going to find the shortest, straightest line between the two things. As usually is the case in life, things are generally pretty simple and straight forward. We, however, tend to make them complicated.

Why I didn’t get the feeling of “turn right” while my eyes set upon the DIRECTV truck, I don’t know. That feeling never came to me. That’s why I think this was simply a case of me pre-perceiving Abby’s future thought. In her directions, she didn’t say to turn right at the truck, only that she could see it. The bridge didn’t come into play until I had already turned left (wrong) and called and asked her what she could see out the front door. It would have been greatly impressive if my psychic thought about the truck being a marker would have included “turn right, and she’s in front of the bridge”. Like I said, maybe next time if I have the presence of mind and the patience, I can fish for more psychic impressions and see what I get. As I analyze this right now, I realize that getting all that extra information is not entirely impossible. It would seem improbable because then I would have found Abby before asking her what she sees out the front door and before her telling me about the bridge and the truck. But an improbability is not an impossibility. And now that I think about how many times I’ve had psychic impressions of things without having a clue why I had them, I see now how our choices in life can help us to skip over some time-consuming efforts. So perhaps it is simply safe to say that my getting a little lost and tangled up in my directions was one possible outcome, but not the only possible outcome. Perhaps I had picked up on the information from one probable reality line, which happened to be the one I actually went down and so therefore was able to see why I got the psychic impression that I did. However, if I had made different choices, thus skipping over getting a little lost and thus reaching Abby before those indications of information could be played out, I would have skipped over that set of events and gone down a slightly different reality line, one just as likely probable as the actual one. I would have reached Abby before she had a need to mention the truck and therefore I would not know why the truck stood out to me.

Ooh this conundrum stuff is fun, isn’t it? Ok, so here’s the thing. The next time I have some psychic episode such as this, I’m going to do my best to find the “skip-over” probability reality line and see if things don’t work out much more easily and smoothly, seemingly remarkable. I won’t have the satisfaction of being able to analyze the line of events as I’ve done this time around, but it will be a giant quantum leap in my psychic development.

You can add “very impatient” to the list up above. Yes, I’m very impatient. I hate inefficiency. There’s got to be a reason and a better way for me to utilize my psychic abilities, and I’m determined to find out what they are. I kind of feel like with every revelation, I’m graduating to a new level of awareness. Why things can’t just be simpler for me, I don’t know. I guess it’s all a matter of our thoughts and choices. I’ll need to definitely add patience to my to-do list though. I’m sure that with patience comes grace, and through grace comes those awesome and amazing experiences that have no explanation. Ah, now I can see why I need to stop analyzing so much and worrying about details. I need to get over the whys and hows and just accept what’s before me instead of trying to over-think it.

Wow, I think I just solved my own conundrum.

DISCOVERED A ROBIN'S NEST

2009-06-04T19:16:00.010-06:00

I borrowed mom’s yard clippers so that I could trim down a bush outside my back door that was starting to grow over the patio. Almost immediately after I began clipping, a robin flew out of the bush and onto the fence, squawking up a storm. I thought for a second I’d accidentally clipped her. She chirped and squawked and jumped up and down on the fence. She seemed fine except for her obvious agitation as I continued to clip away. A few small branches later I could see why she was going nuts. There was a bird’s nest in the middle of the bush, just a little bit above my eye level. I stopped my trimming and got the stepladder. There were 4 little pretty blue eggs.

It’s hard to see the nest. It’s in the middle just almost even with the fence line.

I noticed, though, that if you click on the photo, it will enlarge it. The detail of some of the following photos is outstanding, so please enlarge them to get a better look...the closed eyes of the babies, the expression on the parents' faces, etc. (Use the Back button afterward to come back).

I stood inside the doorway to the garage and watched and waited for the momma bird to come back to the nest, and she did.

Over the next week and a half I watched each day. After a couple days I noticed the daddy bird. He came and went. While there he kept watch over her and the nest. He chased off the black birds who seemed to purposely come around to cause trouble. Here you can barely see the momma sitting in the nest. Daddy is to the right of the photo in the tree.

After a week and a half the babies hatched, but only three. I couldn’t believe how big they were and how wide they could open their mouths. They were so cute!

Here’s the momma with a worm.

I was surprised to see that both momma and daddy take turns feeding them.

I noticed how long they’d have to be gone, flying out of the yard before returning with food, so I turned on the sprinkler hoping it would help give them a better chance to find worms in my yard. The daddy bird immediately swooped down into the yard and sat under the sprinkles that were gently raining down over him and he hopped around the wet grass for several minutes. I couldn’t tell if he was looking for worms or just enjoying the water! By now both momma and daddy seemed to trust us.

Here’s proud momma watching her babies.

During the next couple weeks the baby robins grew fast. In no time they were opening their eyes, and then soon covered with feathers. The nest was becoming crowded.

One night a huge downpour came, with lightning and thunder, for a good hour or so. I went out to check on the nest, not sure what I’d find. I was sorry I’d clipped away branches, but realized I hadn’t actually clipped from the top, just the sides. It seems they did have at least a pretty good covering from the branches above.

The momma bird was obviously doing what she could to protect her little ones. Here she is, seemingly fanning her wings and puffing herself out, to cover the nest as much as possible. She stood motionless throughout the storm, never leaving her babies.

As soon as it passed, she made a dash for the far fence, and I found her shaking her feathers out and cleaning herself up.

The babies in the nest were a little wet but curiously peeking out.

Each day I still kept an eye on the nest, hoping I’d get to see the day those three little birds flew away. But I missed it. It happened on a Sunday while I was at work. I phoned home and suggested to Abby that she go check on the nest. She stepped out the back door and said, “Oh my gosh! Two of the babies just flew out of the nest!” I was so happy that at least my daughter got to see this event. It was amazing that I'd phoned her at just that moment. She said the two baby birds fluttered down to the ground and hopped around, with momma bird watching nearby. Soon they were able to take off. My daughter thinks they went to the huge tree in the far corner of the yard.

When I got home, the last little bird was left alone in the nest. I hoped to God someone would come back for him, and they did. I missed his leaving as well because by the next morning he too was gone.

HEALING STICK

2009-05-19T22:06:00.004-06:00

If you’re a gamer, you’ll probably know what this means. I’m not a gamer, but my son is.

The other day the kids and I were talking about making summer plans. I mentioned Water World, one of our usual summer fun things to do. Last year I vowed to never go again, told the kids they were old enough to go by themselves with friends from now on. But heck, who am I kidding. Of course I’ll go again. First of all, I don’t really want to let my kiddos spend all day there by themselves, even with friends. And second of all, I do love going to Water World, despite this old body. (I know, I know. I’m not that old yet. But it doesn’t take much these days to get a back ache, headache, or joint pain, pinched nerves, and swollen feet from diabetes, and the list goes on and on).

David, almost regrettably, mentioned he wished we could all go to Water World, as a family, even though we weren’t a family who does things together anymore. He shrugged after he said it. (This is the first summer after the divorce, and it's still hard for him to talk about it).

I told him there was no reason why we couldn’t make plans to all go to Water World together. I told him to look at it as the more, the merrier. We usually all end up splitting up at some point anyway, a couple of us wanting to go here, while a couple of us want to go there, and in a water park that’s good. Then everyone gets what they want and it saves time. It seemed to perk his interest up a bit.

I then asked both kids how they were feeling about the divorce now that it had been about 8 months. (I take any opened door I can as an opportunity to talk with my kids about serious stuff). They both said they were ok with it and that things were getting easier. Abby mostly just listened while she played on her lap top. I know with her that what I’m saying is sinking in, even if she doesn’t have much to say. David opened up more than I thought he would, and a great conversation followed. He’s 13 and I think he’s taken the divorce harder than any of us...

I remember the night the kids and I moved into our little rental house. We’d made several trips of carloads of little things that the movers didn’t get the first time--things that were more personal and that I wanted to move myself. Finally at about 7 pm we were on the last trip, but David didn’t want to leave the old house he’d lived in for the past 3-1/2 years. Abby was her usual gung-ho self, eager to spend the first night in our new home, but I found David hiding in his room, buried under his blankets, and crying. I felt so bad for him, my heart broke. When he buries his face like that, I know that what he’s feeling are some pretty tough feelings. I sat down and cuddled him and told him it was going to be ok, but he told me he didn’t want to leave. He said it didn’t feel right to leave this house. This was all he knew. But I explained to him that we’d make new memories at our new house, and that soon it would feel like home too. I told him we aren’t just taking our stuff there, we’re taking ourselves there too. Nothing gets left behind that you don’t want to leave behind, I told him.

When we arrived at our new home with our last load of stuff and unpacked the car, there were a couple of items that we’d forgotten, so I asked David if he wanted to go back to the old house for one more trip with me that night. He said he did, while Abby asked brightly if she could stay home at our new house all by herself.

So we left her there, while we made the quick trip back to the old house which was only 2-3 minutes away. We grabbed the couple items we’d needed and then headed back. David was still quiet, still wiping away the tears. When I pulled up to our new house, all the lights were on and the front door was open. I heard what was going on before I even walked up to the door. Abby had "Grease" in the DVD player full blast, and when we walked in the front door she was singing and dancing all over the living room to one of her favorite songs. It made us laugh, but she didn’t get embarrassed and just kept bopping and singing. I joined her and David watched, enjoying our silliness. I think Abby had planned this whole picture.

Later I pulled her aside and told her how proud I was of her being so mature about all of this. I told her I loved seeing her so upbeat and spunky. And I asked her if she’d help me make things easier for David by going out of her way to make him feel positive about the move. She did, and she was wonderful. Her spirits and attitude really helped perk David up. She helped him unpack some of his personal things to make his room feel like his own place. She joked a lot and made us laugh. And soon we ate dinner and watched TV. Only a couple hours later David said to us, “You know what? I feel a lot better. It does feel like home here.” That was a really proud moment for me.

So, here we were talking about the divorce 8 months later. We’d talked minimally over the months about the divorce, but only in small bouts. I wanted to once again open the door a little more. I started out by sharing some of my feelings, both the good ones and the hurt ones. It made David begin to cry again, but he managed to keep his composure and listen. Then he shared some of his own feelings. Abby continued to listen, dry-eyed, seemingly focused on her computer game, but obviously keeping one ear firmly tilted in our direction.

As David and I wiped away our tears once more, I told him that even though talks like this are hard, they are necessary to aid in the healing process. He said, "You know what this reminds me of? In D&D there's a thing called a healing stick. I always imagine someone getting whacked with it because they say "hit me with a healing stick". It's funny to think of getting whacked with something that's intended to heal you. Isn't that ironic? But that's what these talks are like. They bring up a lot of pain but they also help us heal. It hurts to talk about some things but it makes me feel better afterwards. Sorry to interrupt. I just thought that was a good analogy."

I just looked at him in amazement. For David to take what I was giving him and turn it into his own frame of reference was amazing. I told him it was a perfect way to describe what we're going through. He asked, "Really? It is?" I told him yes, it definitely was.

"Healing can be a very painful process to go through, especially with emotional pain, but dealing with pain is part of healing. It's better to just get our emotions out and deal with them rather than to just bury it all and act like it isn't there. If we keep having talks like this, in small doses, it'll make the process easier to get through."

I'm so proud of my kids, and proud that I can instill in them a sense of self esteem and spiritual well being. I'm proud to see the effect in them.

I think the next time I see an opportunity to open this door again, the cue will be, "Mind if we whack each other with a healing stick?" The kids will know exactly what that means.

HAPPY MOTH'S DAY

2009-05-19T19:20:00.004-06:00

No, that's not a typo. If you don't believe me, see photo.

This home made card was found waiting for me on my bed when I came home from work the evening of Mother’s Day. My ex offered to leave the kids with me that evening but I said it was fine if he had them, despite the holiday. It’s just another day. Besides, we had already technically celebrated earlier, on Friday, when I had my parents over for a visit.

The kids had made me smaller cards earlier in the week, had done favors for me, and had even given me massages.

In my book, a foot massage beats anything. And as much as my daughter hates doing that for me, I knew that when she offered one it was a gesture of true affection. My son, on the other hand, is a natural when it comes to massage and gives it freely. It’s his usual gift to me.

So all in all, I got tons for Mother’s day, pampering and home made cards all week…but then this last one was the topper. Its rustic home-made-ness was endearing—cardboard taped together with masking tape, with finger-painted designs and “YOU ROCK!” all over the inside of it—but the icing on the cake was the spelling error. I laughed so hard when I saw it. My daughter is the first to admit that spelling and reading are not her “thing”.

When she came home that evening from her dad’s, she beamed. “Did you happen to notice anything on your bed?” I told her yes I did, but that I didn’t know what it was for. She said, “What do you mean? It’s for Mother’s Day”.

“Oh really?” I asked. “It doesn’t say that.”

She marched right up the stairs and into my room. “Look, right there. See. It says, “Happy Moth… oh. Dang it!”

I hugged her and said it was absolutely perfect.

MEDIUM

2009-04-03T22:10:00.012-06:00

I love the TV show Medium. It’s very entertaining and right up my alley. It’s very accurate too. Psychic-ness really does work the way they demonstrate on the show, at least for me it does.

I don’t have nearly the exciting life that Allison Dubois has, or that of her TV character. But the psychic experiences in my life that I have had do correlate strongly with the way Allison has them on the show. One recent show was the one where she had dreams of the apocalypse. With this little information to go on, she became afraid that the world really would be coming to an end soon. In reality, however, it turned out that there was a man who kept a young woman hostage in an underground shelter. He was able to keep her there because he had convinced her the end of the world had come.

The reason why Allison’s dreams start out confusing that way—seemingly giving her incorrect or very inaccurate information--is because her first glimpse of the “overall picture” of information is but a very minute, very acutely focused framework of information, with her only link to the overall picture being her psychic connection through another person’s perspective of reality. That link gives her a very narrow perspective of focus. From that very narrow perspective of focus, it’s very easy to be too close to the picture.

At such a close range, as we interpret what we perceive, we may end up with a slightly inaccurate, slightly distorted picture of what’s real. This happens with little information to go on—we make associations to the information perceived and interpreted within that small framework. Sometimes the small framework you are tapping into is the perceived and interpreted framework created by someone else. In the case of the young woman believing the apocalypse had come, that was her framework of belief which Allison tapped into.

Emotions seem to be the worst culprits for creating these narrow perspectives of reality. It’s easy to get sucked in along some emotional thread, and the closer you get the more narrow your focus of information becomes—and the less new information you are able to perceive. I remember the many times my daughter would over-react to falling and getting hurt, and I’d hear her cry and wail and act like the whole world was coming to an end. It’s easy to get sucked in by other people’s emotional drama and easy to lose sight of the bigger picture. In this case, the bigger picture is that life has little bumps and bruises along the way and it’s really not the end of the world. So you just pick her up, kiss the boo-boo, and do something to make her smile or laugh. Then it’s all over. Your kid grows up thinking what a wonderful and level-headed person you are, when she really has no idea what heart-ache and panic you actually do go through those first few moments of hearing her cry and wail in pain. Little does she know that for a few seconds you do feel like your world is coming to an end. Thoughts race through your head, as you race to your child, that your worst nightmare has just happened, only for you to find out it’s just a scraped knee. What a relief. Utter crisis was averted and rational thinking is allowed to resume. That relief is what gives us moms that all-amazing power to appear wonderful and level-headed.

Our emotional connections with people are like that. We get misguided through misinterpretations of information, especially when emotions are steering the wheel. I’m often able to pick up on the thoughts and feelings of others, especially when they are going through something very emotional. I’ll even feel exactly what they are feeling as if what they’re experiencing is happening to me. My son and I are very close that way. When I pick up on his emotions, I experience them as if they are my own and it can be very confusing because I won’t understand why I’m feeling what I’m feeling. When I finally get more information coming in, then the real picture comes and it all makes sense.

BACK TO THE CRUISE….

While on the cruise I had a great little psychic experience that demonstrates this concept, although without the emotional drama link I described above. But there was a link just the same, the interpretation of which misdirected my information of the bigger picture just a little bit. But only a bit. I’m happily impressed with what I received from my perspective.

It was the last night of the cruise, which they dub the “all-night jam”. Everyone anticipates it as being the biggest show and the best time on the ship. Any members of all the bands on board get together starting somewhere around midnight and play and sing and continue nonstop until the wee hours. I remember on the first cruise, the theme seemed to be that no one was allowed to stop playing—whether this was the “rule” or just a “contest”, I don’t know—while one song led into another without discussion or pre-arrangement. With so many band members participating, it was an amazing and entertaining show. One person would move into another song, by anyone in any genre, and the others would catch on real fast and fall in line. It was great.

On this particular cruise I expected the same amazing time, but there was only one problem. The weather all week had been uncharacteristically cold and I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to stay for much of the all-night jam since it was to be held outside on the pool deck of the ship. I planned ahead, though, and Thursday morning bought a pull-over with a hood—what they are calling “hoodies” these days—in anticipation of a cold night.

Some time in the afternoon I had a flash of a daydream-type thought pass through my mind. In it, I saw myself standing in front of one of the inside stages in a small venue they call Bar City. The stage was a very small one, and the audience area always became over crowded during any show that was held there, despite the winding staircase that led to an over-looking balcony from the next floor up. In my vision I was the only person in the audience. I was watching the tech crew set up equipment for that night’s all-night jam. As I watched in my mind, I had the knowing come to mind that they were setting up the equipment wrong and that this would cause a circuit to blow later on during the show. The me in my mind’s eye wanted to tell the crew! I wanted to alert them to this error immediately and save them from frustration and embarrassment and save the audience from the misfortune of an interrupted jam session. But the vision was as short-lived as the blink of an eye.

I thought nothing more of it and passed it off as a elusive daydream of no significant importance. Just my mind wandering, I thought.

It wasn’t until 8:30 that evening that I began to wonder if there might be more to my insignificant daydream than I first realized. We were informed by a passerby, as we sat resting in Bar City while awaiting another show to begin, that the all-night jam had been officially moved from outdoors to indoors and that it would be taking place right there in Bar City. I was shocked and in disbelief. Surely they would have thought better than to try to pack the large expectant crowd into the smallest venue on the ship. But as she pointed to just past my head to prove it, I turned around and saw that directly behind me was a sign taped to the wall stating it was so. The all-night jam was now going to be held in Bar City following the midnight show by Acid Wish. I was thankful, as many others were, that they had decided to move the jam in from the freezing cold, but I was bummed that it had been placed in this venue. I sat there debating…did I really want to save a good spot up front for hours and sit through Acid Wish just so that I could ensure myself having a good spot for the all-night jam? Nope. I didn’t.

We meandered the rest of the evening and eventually made our way back to Bar City some time past midnight. The floor was packed. The stairs were packed. The balcony was packed. As the all-night jam took off I was lucky if I could stand on my tippy-toes long enough to see the tops of the heads on stage. The hours passed and there was still no sign of my vision coming true. The only true part so far was that the all-night jam was indeed being held in Bar City—that alone was really neat. I find it fascinating when any amount of psychic phenomena can be validated.

It was about 3:30 am when I could hardly stand on my feet any longer, let alone my tippy-toes. I had found a spot on the stairs and had a much better view. Unfortunately Jim of Barenaked Ladies, and his brother Andy were nowhere to be found. I was hoping they wouldn’t be on stage but would instead be in the audience so that I could speak with them about my book. At some point the song “500 Miles” began. I told myself I’d stay through this one but afterwards would have to definitely call it a night. Dustin had moved up closer to the stage but was still amidst a packed crowd. The crowd had thinned out somewhat, but not much. Nearly at the end of the song I saw him turn around and wave me to come up next to him.

Despite not wanting to stand on my tippy-toes again, I did move closer, figuring I wasn’t going to stay much longer anyway. Once there in the middle of the floor, among the crowd, the power went out. The lights were still on, but there was no sound coming from the stage. At first I wondered why the playing and singing were cut so abruptly, forgetting my vision from earlier in the day. But then I remembered! Could it really be that the circuit was blown? Was my vision coming true?

I couldn’t see what was happening on stage, but after "500 Miles" I could barely see Ed conducting the audience to singing "Hey Jude" to keep the jam going without breaking the “no stopping” rule until they could fix the power. A few minutes later Ed held something up high for everyone to see. He had written on a cardboard box “Blew a circuit! Working on it", and he passed it around the crowd.

I couldn’t believe it! The information in my vision had come true. I immediately assumed the cause had been due to some equipment failure or overload, as I had experienced in my vision. The jam ended shortly afterwards as it was now nearly 4 am anyway.

I came to find out some time later, after coming back home, that the cause of the silence from stage wasn’t actually due to a blown circuit. There was word that the ship’s crew had purposely pulled the plug as a way to get us to shut down the jam! Well, that new piece of information threw me for a loop.

Why had I gotten the vision and information of a blown circuit, and consequently why had Ed passed around his sign if this had all actually been due to the power being purposely cut? I tried to verify this information with the cruise coordinators but no one had the real story.

A friend of mine, though, said she had been up front and next to the stage during the whole all-night jam and she had heard from the tech crew that it wasn’t a failure on their part, but that the plug had been pulled on them.

Ok, well since I still haven’t gotten it officially verified, I’ll have to assume that that’s truly what happened. Even so, my psychic “daydream” had indeed come true. In analyzing this, I realized that my psychic connection was through Ed’s information of his experience. He must have quickly assumed it was due to a blown circuit which is what prompted him to write the sign and pass around. And perhaps my experience of seeing the sign became my emotional thread of experience from that moment to my “past” self several hours earlier that afternoon. For the most part, what I experienced was correct. The power went out. Period. Whether it was caused by a faulty connection, overload, or the plug being pulled by a cranky ship crew at 4 am didn’t really matter. I experienced what I experienced through my own perspective of reality. I still find myself wondering why my psychic vision earlier in the day wasn’t just simply a vision of seeing Ed hold up the sign.

I see in my other psychic experiences how this process works. Sometimes the psychic picture I get is right on the money. And sometimes it’s skewed by the emotional thread connection to another person’s beliefs, thoughts, or feelings, along with my own mind making up its own interpretations of what’s true. We never really get a real picture of what’s really out there, we only always get what we perceive and interpret through our own awareness.

People often wonder why psychic information doesn’t come through as precisely as real-world information actually is. But I know from my own first-hand experience how the emotional thread connections to other people work, how their beliefs influence our own, and how our own thoughts and beliefs interpret and misinterpret the information we perceive. Our very experience of reality is more “influenced” by others (and our own awareness) than we realize.

I always say, reality is only my experience of conscious awareness.

THE CRUIZAH!

2009-04-03T11:03:00.004-06:00

So I've been back from the Barenaked Ladies Ships and Dip V cruise for over a month now.

Came back home with a nasty cold. Silly me, I forgot to bring my PARKA to Florida! Goodness it was cold.

The week we were gone, Colorado had temperatures in the 70s and Florida in the 30s! The world must be coming to an end! Florida is the new Colorado!

Ok, I'm over it. I was just bitter that I had packed nothing but shorts and t-shirts and then found I had to stand outside in cold wind all week. One of the locals in Miami looked at us and said, "You guys aren't from around here are you? Where are your sweaters?"

We thought we'd be smart and save money by taking the cheapest transportation we could, so once we arrived in Ft. Lauderdale, we waited outside the airport for the free shuttle bus. Unfortunately we had to wait 45 minutes--in the cold and wind. Once the bus came it took us to the train station. The train would only cost $4 per adult and $2 per child--but we had to wait an hour and a half for it, in the cold and wind. At this point I was ready to take out everything I'd packed in my suitcase and wear it.

This is what I look like with my eyes closed. Thanks Dustin.

Once the train got us to Miami, it was to get onto another free shuttle to take us to the airport, then we waited for the hotel shuttle to arrive to take us to our hotel.

Continuing with our save-as-much-cash-as-we-can plan, we decided to take the city bus into more sight-seeing-ness territory for dinner. (The hotel we were staying at also fell into the category of cheap and so did the neighborhood). It was another 40-minute wait outside--in the cold and wind--for the city bus to show, and $1.50 per person plus 50 cents per transfer, which got us to a bus-exchange station where we had to wait a few minutes to get onto another bus which would actually get us into the part of town that was "it". This was where it was all at, the local with the sweater told us. This was where stars like Lindsay Lohan met friends at bars!

Whatever.

I couldn't care less, and I was starved. We had to walk about 4 blocks until we found a TGIF's. Our destination was also toward the beach, which we were told was within walking distance. I was hoping a burger and fries would warm me up. So we hurried and ate, wanting to get back out toward the beach before the sun went down. We walked out, crossed the street, and there it was, Miami beach. By the way, that cold wind we've been in all day now was even colder and windier right on the beach.

After about 15 minutes on the beach I couldn't feel my hands or ears anymore and suggested we head back. Back the 4 blocks to the bus-exchange place, wait 20 minutes for the bus, then back to our hotel. I was in bed huddled under the covers by 8:30 pm!

The next afternoon it was exciting arriving at port and getting on the cruise ship.

Here I am waiting in line to board the ship—thought I’d just close my eyes right off the bat and save Abby the time and trouble of doing it on purpose, ha ha. (I swear, doesn’t anybody know how to take a decent picture of me??)

That's Dustin, my ex, in the black shirt. (I have no idea who the guy in the red looking at me is).

We got on about 1 pm and the ship didn't leave til about 4 pm, so it was fun exploring for a while and then eating lunch on board.

Unfortunately while boarding I missed the opportunity to have my photo taken with Kevin Hearn--the mastermind behind the music of Barenaked Ladies. The porters keep telling you, "Don't stop, keep going. Move along. This way, this way." So while we were rushing with our luggage to board the ship, we passed Kevin unknowingly until he said, "Hi guys!"

It was COOL! If he hadn't said anything we would have whooshed right past him.

We smiled, (elated that he recognized and acknowledged us), said hi, and then ran off again like wild monkeys. It wasn't until several days later that I found out there was a photo station set up there. Not everyone would get a chance to have a professional photo taken with one of the band members--only if they were available at the time--and here we were running away! Oh well. Kevin knows how much we love him.

MORE LATER…!

NEW THINGS

2009-01-16T22:16:00.005-07:00

GOURDS AGAIN...
The amazing wind and windstorms Colorado’s been having completely ripped apart the squirrel basket. I would have another identical basket to replace it with, but it went out with the donation stuff before the divorce. The only (sturdy) thing I could come up with was to attach the milk crate to the fence with Bungee cords. That red milk crate that my gourds were curing in. It’s secure although not cute like the basket was. I have a ceramic pot water catcher thingy sitting in there for their food.

The gourds are done now, by the way. They’ve been done for about a month, so they cured much sooner than I thought they would.

The fatter ones went bad pretty quickly. The survivors came to 24 out of the 52 I started with. Unfortunately they've definitely lost their vivid colors and luster. Most of them develop a layer of flaky white mold, and some get black mold spots.

DANISH CHEESE...
My mom’s from Denmark and one of the Danish foods I love is Esrom. It’s one of those stinky cheeses, although mild in comparison to some, but stinky enough that if you touch it you’ll want to wash your hands. Mom called yesterday and said she made a stop at the Cheese Company and had some for me. So today I drove over and picked it up. I’ve been craving it the past few days, so mom’s timing was perfect. Sliced French bread with some butter and a couple slices of that cheese and yum! (Abby informed me I’ll need to brush my teeth after I’m done if I want a kiss from her.)

BOOKS I'M READING...
Yesterday I was at my favorite used book store and bought James Redfield’s The Celestine prophecy, An Experiential Guide. I’m looking forward to getting into it. I’m also re-reading Robert Monroe’s Journeys out of the Body and re-reading Bruce Moen’s Voyage into the Unknown. I have several books I’ve never read before, but I do enjoy re-reading my old favorites again. I’m also reading The Secret by Rhonda Byrne and Carlos Castaneda’s Journey to Ixtlan. I’ve always been a literary buffet type of reader—always reading several at once. I think maybe why I do that is to savor each book just a little bit longer than it would take to read just one at a time.

MY BOOK...
Speaking of books, I’m still preparing mine for publication. Bruce suggested I advertise on his site for volunteer proof readers. That was a great idea and it’s exciting. I now have four people reading for me. It’s just another small step, a little tedious, but I do want this project to succeed. This book was a lot of work, but also fun and therapeutic. I’m excited to hear their feedback.

THE CRUISE...
I’ll be leaving for a cruise at the end of the month, Barenaked Ladies Ships and Dip V! www.shipsanddip.com. This is the third year my favorite rock band is doing it, so I guess it’s the new thing. It’s an amazing thing, but I doubt I will be able to afford this again, now that I’m divorced. My ex and I went a couple years ago, and we’ll be going together this time but this time we’ll be bringing along our daughter. Unfortunately our son wouldn’t enjoy going, so he’ll be staying home with grandma. But Abby is so adventurous, I know she’ll have an incredible time.

SQUIRRELS AGAIN...
The best hit so far has been Rice Krispy Treats. I put several out one day and the same squirrel stole each one in a matter of a few minutes. I watched as he took one and hid it in one tree, came back for another and hid it in another tree, and so on. He had five different hiding places.

JOURNALING

2009-01-16T21:47:00.002-07:00

I began journaling again. I’ve been out of the habit for many years. One thing that has helped is the non-physical healing work I’ve been practicing on my sore hands and fingers. I do believe I will succeed at healing this nasty trigger-finger and nerve damage pain I’ve been suffering from. Improving my attitude toward the limitation my pain causes is what I’m really practicing. And it seems to be working. I’ve been doing more writing—the literal kind of writing. The old-fashioned kind. The kind where you actually hold a pen to a piece of paper and move it for a long time, until you take a break and find that you’ve penned an entire page or two in no time. That’s something I haven’t undertaken in years because I found that typing on my computer was much faster and easier for my very sore hands and fingers. I still have to be careful with how much I do with my hands, but I’ve found that keeping them still and stiff is detrimental at this point. (Years of medical transcription work—and I worked intensely—plus diabetes has caused me this damage).

It feels good to be journaling again. I am the type of person who gets very absorbed in a project. I get very intense about what I do. That's just me. I used to find it odd that people always pointed out how intense of a person I am, but I’m beginning to see what they mean.

My journals…

I’ve created a journal solely for my daily well being and as a way to log the medications and supplements I’ve been taking, and any symptoms like a headache or mood changes or whatever. A friend recommended the book The Edge Effect by Eric Braverman, which led me to the supplements. Supplements weren’t something I used to put much faith in, but after learning a little bit about brain neurotransmitters and how those chemicals work in the body and how the supplements work, it makes sense. And anything that has a formula that makes sense to me is worth paying attention to. If I can utilize it, I like it. So thus the supplements and thus the log book/journal for them. So far so good.

I’ve also created another journal solely for daily thoughts that pop up. This is the journal I have to “cheat” on a little. I have so many thoughts, feelings, and emotions that journaling them all is impossible and would cause more nerve damage than good, so I found that if I begin to journal and get a hand cramp, I then finish the entry on my computer. If I stay orderly about it, it will work. I note in the journal that I am finishing the entry on the computer, and then in the computer I note the date that I’m continuing from. I’ll have to then print out the computer entries and insert them into the journal if I want to be neat and tidy about keeping things in order. This will all work and be fun until I become sloppy about it. So far so good.

And I have another journal solely for my spiritual thoughts, practices, techniques, and insights that have to do with anything I’m currently working on or experiencing. I guess I could call it my spiritual journey journal. I cheat on this one a lot too, finding it faster and easier to type out my notes rather than hand write.

One of the supplements I’m taking is melatonin, and I’ve heard it helps with dream recall as well. It does seem to help in that department. Since I’ve been taking it I have remembered more dreams than usual. I think I will start a dream journal and write down my dreams again. I used to do that every day when I was a teenager, and I was able to remember the most vivid dreams back then. That was a time when I first became interested in OBEs and lucid dreams.

Anyway, I was surprised to find myself enjoying journaling again.

ENERGY BALL

2009-01-11T19:29:00.006-07:00

Recently I've been researching, trying to learn how to get back to the fundamentals of using my Guidance and psychic abilities. I notice the patterns in my life, that sometimes I'm in that state where everything goes right, I have nothing but good luck and happy coincidences, and I feel very connected to my Guidance. Then things change and I'm out of phase with all that. So lately I've been focusing on how to consciously make the effort to put myself back in sync with that state of awareness where I feel connected and guided.

Some things have been coming together for me in this regard. A couple months ago it began with me questioning a psychic acquaintenance how she does her work, what the process is. She gives psychic readings by connecting with people's deceased loved ones. The way she receives her information is by hearing her own guidance speak to her...in a voice. Well of course I was intrigued when I learned this, because that is exactly how I experience my own Guidance which I call, The Voice. She said her process is simply to decide and know that when it's time for her to receive information, she will receive it. She sits down, turns on her tape recorder, and the process begins. That seemed way too cut and dry and simple to me. And she said that it really is, and it was this way because she designed it that way. That's what works for her. Her advice to me, in desiring to do this type of work (and my various other plans and ideas), was to simply create my own technique.

That got me thinking for quite some time that that wasn't all there was to it. A technique is a process of steps that carries you from your desire to your goal, but the magic doesn't lie in the technique itself. And after I finally realized this, I could see why she told me to "create your own technique". Ah, now it made sense! In creating my own technique, I was essentially placing intention for that which I desire--and that intention would become incorporated and embedded in every thought, every feeling, and every maneuver of my technique, whatever that technique may be. So it wasn't the technique, per se, that did the trick, it was my intention.

But it wasn't that easy for me to figure this out. I still had a ways to go. After mulling this create-your-own-technique thing over for several weeks, I finally got to another step that I hadn't seen coming. But now I realize it was another piece of this puzzle. My friend Bruce was helping me pinpoint what exactly it is that I want to learn to do. I had so many ideas but hadn't really focused on one thing. He said that's the idea, focus on one thing and that's the thing that will begin taking off for you. Oh. I keep forgetting that. I really needed to focus my attention on one idea or desire and put my efforts there. So I made a list of some things and found that getting re-acquainted with that feeling of being connected to my own feeling of Guidance was at the top of the list. I figured once I became successful with my goals there, it would take a lot of the edge off and make my other goals easier, especially since this part of my spiritual life was something that could sometimes make me feel very lost without it.

So now that I had some solid plan in mind of what I could be working toward, I was back to thinking about the technique process I was supposed to be coming up with. As usual, I make things way more complicated than they need to be. And in the process of coming up with a technique, it got me more interested in my second-most important spiritual practice goal. Healing. Healing has always been a huge interest and passion of mine. And I've actually had some amazing results with various experiences that have to do with healing. So I began to think in terms of combining my desires and efforts to put these two things together. Maybe one way I could use my connection to Guidance was to work on giving healing to others. After all, healing was as big of a desire of mine as connecting with people's deceased loved ones. Maybe there actually can be a connection for the two--this is getting exciting.

Anyway, back to my technique. One night out of the blue, for fun, I began playing with the sensation of energy between my hands. You know where you place your hands close together, palm sides, and roll your hands around in circular motions until you feel an energy feeling like two magnets repelling each other? I call that my energy ball. I never really thought about what it is, other than a sensation of my own energy. I found that while playing with it, trying to intensify the energy feeling and make it stronger, I was visualizing it (eyes closed) and concentrating on the feeling of actually creating this ball. That kind of concentration and visualization effort reminded me of what it feels like to be connected to my Guidance feeling, really being in the moment.

So that in itself had become a technique I could use. Having that center of focus absorbed my attention and concentration, while pulling my attention away from all other thoughts. I realized why a center of focus was necessary and why it worked in visualization and guided meditation. I noticed that kind of calm and relaxation were the same types of feelings as when I pray, plan goals, work through a problem to find a solution, send love to someone I care about, and set intention for my goals. Then I realized, if this kind of feeling reminded me of all these things, then the technique for getting here acted as a center of focus for directing my conscious awareness to whatever I wanted. As long as I had something that I could concentrate my attention on, it greatly enhanced my ability to focus my thoughts away from all the things that normally distract me while meditating.

I began practicing with imagining infusing my energy ball with healing energy, so that I could then imagine using that energy to send healing to my sore hands and fingers. (Have had trigger fingers for quite some time, very painful). Doing this each day worked on relieving the pain, but I found I enjoyed working with the meditative process more than I cared about curing my pain! My interests quickly maneuvered me to wondering what else I could be doing with this concentrated effort of focused attention. After a lot of playing and practice with the energy ball feeling, I found that my hands and arms would become tired too easily to continue physically creating and feeling the ball, so I turned my attention to just imagining the energy ball feeling. After all, the technique wasn't the important thing per se, it was the intention. As long as I had a way to get my attention focused in the state of mind I was looking for, the technique didn't matter. I found that my practice had made it easy for me to just close my eyes, imagine myself doing the energy ball, and it would bring on the feelings of my connection to Guidance and the feeling of what Bruce Moen calls Placing Intent Consciousness. The practice of it had made a feeling connection that I could quickly attain just through the desire to do so.

Now I was beginning to see what Bruce means when he reaches connection with a person who is deceased simply by desiring to do so. He just thinks or says their name, with the desire to connect with their area of consciousness, and he's there. It is the same with my new practices I was working on. As I continue working with it, one of the things on my "to try" list is to use my new technique for making contact with someone deceased. I'd also like to utilize these efforts for more healing work, something along the lines of Reiki I suppose (although I've never studied it). I'll keep working on my ideas.

My desire to come up with my own technique was really beginning to show some promise. I not only came up with a technique that could easily focus my awareness, but I also quickly learned to make it work for me as instantaneous as a mere thought. Now all I need is opportunity to put this to some use. If I was going to do what my psychic acquaintence friend did with doing readings for people while communicating with their deceased loved ones, then I'd need to practice on people. Same with practicing some energy healing work. I'd need to practice on someone. I'm definitely going to utilize this for doing retrieval work as well (http://www.afterlife-knowledge.com/).

MORE ON GUIDANCE

2008-12-11T23:59:00.003-07:00

Last week while I was reaching into the linen closet, a question casually crossed my mind which I thought of asking my friend. Suddenly my Guidance spoke up and suggested I wait, because my friend would be emailing me the answer to that exact question soon, when he was ready. That was the feeling I got, and so I decided to listen to it. Too often my ego and its accompanying emotions barge in and push that Guidance feeling out of the way, and either I ignore it or I don’t hear it altogether. As it turned out, several hours later that evening, I received an email from my friend telling me news that was the precise answer to the question I was wondering. The timing and the preciseness of it was too uncanny to be mere coincidence, and recognizing that old familiar Guidance feeling couldn’t be mistaken. Oh boy, that got me excited. I’d been in such a slump for a while now that I was spending pretty much every waking moment mentally yelling “Where is my Guidance and why aren’t you talking to me?!”

I love how it sneaks its way in when I’m least expecting of it, like when I’m moseying around the house not mentally yelling “Where’s my Guidance?” I need to remember that.

I spent the last four years working on writing a memoir-style book on my paranormal and spiritual life experiences, and it wasn’t until writing everything out that I realized how prevalent that thing I call my Guidance was in my life. I adopted that term from my friend Bruce Moen. He's written five books on the subject of afterlife exploration. His website is http://www.afterlife-knowledge.com/. Most of what I’ve learned I attribute to his teachings and the great influence he’s had on my experience with the paranormal. The way my life has changed now, it’s a pretty common conversation for my circle of friends to be discussing what we do nonphysically. And I think that’s one of the most important things I’ve learned from Bruce, is that we are already living nonphysically. This physical world and our physical selves are not all there is. It’s taken me a few years to really grasp that concept, and I’m still learning, still asking questions. And Bruce is always patient with me, explaining things again as many times as I need it. In today’s conversation about that topic he said there is nowhere that I don’t already exist, and exploring nonphysically is just a matter of shifting my focus of attention there.

So that’s where my thoughts are focused these days, shifting my focus of attention and awareness back to that old familiar feeling of what I call my Guidance. I’m finally beginning to understand it now. It’s my connection to my higher self, all aspects of my own Consciousness. Those psychic experiences I’ve had all my life, in all their various forms, are all times when my physically-focused consciousness was connected with my higher Conscious self and able to pick up information I’d usually have no normal means of knowing. For years I used to wonder who was responsible for giving me my psychic information. It was me! All those instances of psychic clairvoyant visions, ESP, psychic dreams, OBEs, and hearing The Voice of my Guidance—all that information was coming from another perspective than what this limited physical world self could know. I look at it that my higher self perspective sees the bigger picture, whatever that may be, while the me here in the physical world perspective has to live moment by moment through time and space.

Bruce always reminds me too that exploring nonphysically requires the use of nonphysical senses to be able to interact there. As I think about it, we use nonphysical senses here in this reality all the time too, but we just don’t really think about it. An example of what I mean happened the other day. I had just cleaned out my daughter’s closet and found an old back pack filled with seashells. I mentioned this to her and then put the pack back in the closet. Later that evening, she wanted to look at the seashells and asked me to go get them. I went into her bedroom without bothering to walk all the way over to turn on the light. I knew I wouldn’t need any light to find what I was looking for. Because I had been the one who organized her closet and had located the seashells, I knew exactly where they were. As I reached into the dark closet, being completely unable to physically see a thing, I thought to myself, “I can’t see it but I know it’s there” and in my mind’s eye I saw exactly what I was doing. I didn’t need the bedroom light to be on for that. I realized I was using nonphysical senses to find what I was looking for. And it also made me realize that while I’m trying to explore nonphysically, I shouldn’t get hung up on struggling to find what I’m looking for. If I can pinpoint my intention of what it is I’m after, then I can easily find it. It’s just a matter of reaching out for it, like the intention of reaching for a bag of seashells in a dark closet. Exploring nonphysically is just a matter of knowing exactly what you want and shifting your focus of attention there. I’m going to remember that the next time I’m focusing on exploring. Just reach out and grab it. It’s there.

Making those connections to my Guidance is what I’m working on these days. Instead of waiting for it to happen to me again, I’m consciously bridging that connection as often as possible now, practicing that process, recognizing that feeling, and living and creating in that area of consciousness. It’s an exciting realization for me…to finally actually realize that those gifts of psychic, paranormal, and spiritual experiences I’ve had all my life weren’t just bestowed upon me by some kind stranger who took pity on me or felt I deserved some grace of kindness at the moment. I had had an inkling all those years that one day I’d be learning the reason behind all those weird and wonderful experiences. I’d hoped that they were there for a reason, all leading up to some grand realization.

And as whenever I learn something new, I still find myself hoping that there’s still a lot more to learn.

DIVORCE

2008-12-11T23:57:00.001-07:00

My divorce gets finalized next week. I’m not sure what to expect, but we have to appear in court before the judge. The only other times I’ve been in court were (1) for our bankruptcy many years ago, (2) when my husband had another speeding ticket to take care of, (3) and when we took our next-door neighbors to court to get a restraining order once. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not vindictive or not a nice person to live next door to. This guy threatened to shoot my dog, would yell at my kids, and made threats against us! Anyway, I think it will be a huge relief once the divorce is actually finalized. Everyone’s asking me if I’ll have a celebration party afterward. I’m not a party person. How about this…anyone reading this who has even the slightest notion of what relief I’m feeling, make a toast and send some good vibes my way.

GOURDS AND SQUIRRELS

2008-11-24T11:29:00.010-07:00

My daughter Abby and I went to a pumpkin patch/cornfield maze/animal farm place right before Halloween this year.

Most of the pumpkins were going bad, so next year I’ll go earlier in the season. We did get some great gourds though, of every size, shape, and color you could imagine. I don’t know what it is about them that’s so appealing. When I got home I decided to Google how to cure them. I knew there was a technique and years ago I found out that that technique isn’t to just store them in the shed or garage. They really go bad that way. What I found on the Internet is that all gourds really need is lots of air. The wind outside is what dries and cures them slowly so they don’t rot. It’s a shame that they do lose their bright colors, but it’s still a neat process. I have no idea what I’m going to do with them once they’re done, but I think it’s just the process of doing something that’s what’s most appealing to me.

Here’s just a few of them

What the web sites don’t warn you about when it comes to curing gourds are the squirrels. A couple days after Halloween, I placed the gourds on my back patio and spread them out neatly on a plastic shelf. I planned on rotating them every few days (as instructed) so that all sides had a chance to be exposed. However, our first time out there to rotate we found some of our gourds were missing. I had had a gut feeling our “pet” squirrels would be tempted to come eat our gourds but I didn’t actually believe they’d have the nerve to come all the way up to the house. However, there was evidence in the yard.

Gourd guts were all over the place. I was a little peeved. I couldn’t tell which of my unique little gourds were now missing. At first I thought I could out smart those little critters by barricading my gourd shelf with a laundry basket placed over the top of it. I should have taken a photo of that…looked silly, but I thought what the heck. Those squirrels won’t come back now. I was wrong. The next day there were more traces of stolen gourds all over my patio. I knew I’d have to get more creative to out smart the squirrels around here. Here’s what I came up with:

Ok, what this is is my gourds now confined to a plastic milk crate on top of the swamp cooler, with that plastic shelf now covering the top of the crate. (Later, I had to place a heavy rock on top to keep the shelf from being blown off). This is more than 6 feet high, and being covered like it is I figured I’d won. I was afraid they wouldn’t be exposed to enough air in that crate, but so far so good. It’s been 4 weeks now and I’m still rotating. Some sides of each gourd are beginning to cure. They lose some of their color and become very dry, but as long as they are still hard with no mush they are curing properly.

Here are some pics of one of our pet squirrels who we feed regularly. I attached a basket to the back fence with a plastic dish inside for their treats…mostly breads, but they’ll eat crackers and cookies too. I once had half of a blueberry pie that was a week old and the kids weren’t going to eat it. I set it outside and it was gone! (I hope that didn’t give them indigestion or anything).

Cute little fella. Abby, 11, loves every living creature in the world just as much as I do, but I am not at a place right now to allow real pets, no matter how much she begs. Told her she could have all the squirrels she wanted, though, and that we’d keep them in the back yard and feed ‘em treats. She’s ok with that for now.

PERSPECTIVE

2008-11-22T22:19:00.001-07:00

Back in 2004 is when I really first began choosing to learn meditation. I didn't really have an idea of how to do it but had been reading books about it. I wondered if there was a correct way to meditate, or a formula to follow. As usual, my analytical mind was taking over too much, and I was making it way more complicated than it needed to be. So I thought, I have no idea what it means to raise my vibration or raise my awareness, but I'll just go with the intention that that's what I'm going to do. Late one morning home alone, I relaxed my mind and body, and set my mind with the intention of learning how to meditate and connect with my spirit guides. All the books say we all have them, and I wanted to communicate with mine.

I soon began to doze off. Now and then I'd lightly awaken and then quickly "put myself under" again. After quite some time I woke from a very deep, restful sleep and feeling as if I'd been very, very far away. I slowly opened my eyes and noticed the sunlight shining through the windows was a soft golden color as if the sun had made a point to shine more prominently than normal into my bedroom. For a moment I felt very lightened by the effect as if a huge weight had been lifted off me. And suddenly in my mind's eye I saw a clear picture of a marijuana leaf. Being naturally gifted visually, I wasn't shocked I was able to see such a clear vision in my mind; however, it being a marijuana leaf baffled me. That's marijuana, I thought. I wonder why I'm being shown this. I don't have anything to do with drugs. This doesn't have anything to do with me. My feelings were such that I was in no way associated to something so negative. I felt/heard in my mind, "It's all about perspective. It doesn't have to be something negative. Your reaction to the vision is negative, but the plant can be used in a positive way as well. Whatever your feelings, it's still just a plant. It's all a matter of perspective."

The feeling/voice I heard was right. My reaction to the plant didn't change the fact that it was still just a plant. If I changed my perspective, then my feelings changed. It was at that point I actually heard as clear as a physical voice, "When you get bogged down, we get bogged down." I heard it clearly. I was shocked to actually hear these words spoken. And it made me think, I never use the words "bogged down". These words hadn't come from my own thoughts. It made me wonder, who's the "we"? Did it mean there's a group of guides who work with me? Is this what the books meant by higher self?

I began to understand that the communication between myself and my guidance can't work to its fullest extent unless I change my perspective. So what did changing my perspective really mean? Since then I've often thought about it, wondering if it means trying to see things from a different viewpoint or in a different light. I’ve learned that taking any negative reaction, however slight, out of the equation definitely had to do with it. Negativity narrowed my perspective down, positivity opened me up. Maybe that was the formula to making meditation work and learning to communicate with my guides.

It can be the hardest thing to do sometimes, trying not to get bogged down by negative thoughts and feelings. Changing perspective, I've learned, can't be faked. You have to actually change something inside yourself in order to open up to that greater perception, and what I’ve learned is that experiencing the feeling of love is the fastest way to do that. Focusing on love immediately shifts your perspective. When I see the need in my life to work on that, I can actually feel the change inside me taking place. And it does work; once you change your perspective, you do feel different. And you do feel differently about not just that one aspect, but about things in general. Things start clicking into place faster. Synchronicities happen. Those happy coincidences that really aren't coincidences at all. You realize that that positive perspective is the magic to making consciousness work for you.

MY BLOG

2008-11-20T23:35:00.000-07:00

Today I decided to start a blog. Thought I'd give it a try, play around with it, and see if it was something I would like to do. This will be a place to record what I did with my day, my thoughts, feelings, small victories, funny stories, and I'm sure a few other things I haven't thought of yet.